The Rant Song is the fourth song in the episode "My Musical".
Lyrics[]
Patti: Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy!
Dr. Cox: Am I still singing?
Patti: Singing like a bird
JD: Dr. Cox, huge news! I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours! Bumper buddies!
Dr. Cox: Still, you're not ne-he-hearly as bad as her. Do you know how much you annoy me? The answer is a lot. Should I list the reasons why? Well, I don't see why not.
Dr. Cox: It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face, you always need a hug, not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug. That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex and, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex!
JD:[spoken] Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town, we got some appletinis and poured 'em on her good parts!
Dr. Cox: See now, Newbie, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree 'Cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be! So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son. It makes me suicidal and I'm not the only one. No, I'm not the only one...
Janitor: It all started with a penny in the door. There was a hatred I had never felt before. So now I'll make him pay, each and every day, until that moussed-haired little nuisance... is... no... more
Dr. Cox: So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue. Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian, Suzanne and Betty-Lou. See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear; You're a pain in every day of every month of every year!
Patti: Dr. Cox, you gotta help me, 'cause I really am distressed! Can't you find another option, won't you run another test?
Dr. Cox: If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor please just get me peace and quiet from this God-forsaken pest!
JD:[spoken] I think what my bumper-buddy is trying to say...
Patti: Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth, or I swear to God I'll shut it soon!
Dr. Cox: Congratulations, we'll schedule your test this afternoon.
