Ted Buckland

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Theodore Buckland, Esq.
Portrayed by	Sam Lloyd
Occupation	Lawyer
Ailment	Bit off tongue ("My Dumb Luck")
Relationship	Divorced (wife unknown) Dating Stephanie Gooch
Family	Mary Anne Buckland (mother) Brother (name unknown)
Appearances
First Appearance	"My First Day"
Last Appearance	"Our Histories"

“Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased - and you're sure - you can feel free to tell him or her... anything.”— Ted

Theodore "Ted" Buckland, Esq. was the lawyer of New Sacred Heart until he left to spend time traveling and with his girlfriend Stephanie Gooch.

About

Until recently, Ted lived at home with his mother, who thinks he's a doctor. ("My Scrubs") They used to sleep together in the same bed but now Ted has his own room and only sleeps in the same bed as his mother when he has a bad dream (or she does) ("My Soul on Fire, Part 1"). Sometimes Ted helps her apply lotion to places she can't reach.

Ted was Dr. Bob Kelso's personal punching bag when Kelso was the Chief of Medicine. He is still emotionally scarred by how he was treated. ("My New Role") Ted has virtually no self-esteem, and any confidence he had was systematically crushed by Kelso. He carries a murderous hatred of Kelso as well as suicidal tendencies, but lacks the wherewithal to do anything about either situation.It was mentioned in my blind date that he had a wife that left him.

Ted singing at Janitor's wedding

Ted is an attorney, but not a very good one. He is, in fact, a rather horrible one. He took the BAR exam in Alaska, where there are only ten laws. ("My Lawyer's in Love") He is easily intimidated by other, better lawyers, rendering him useless during legal battles. At one point he had asprations of being a senator, but that dream was crushed long ago. The amount of time he has actually worked at Sacred Heart is unclear because he once commented to Dr. Kelso that he had a full head of hair when he started out (which was also shown in a flashback), but later reveals to the Janitor that he had lost his hair in eighth grade.

Ted's only real release from his life is his band. He is a part of the A Capella band "The Worthless Peons," a group of similarly pathetic, but reasonably talented singers, who specialize in odd song numbers, such as television theme songs or commercial jingles. While generally despised, Ted's band did end up playing at Turk and Carla's Wedding, where they succesfully performed songs by the Beatles. ("My Best Friend's Wedding") Ted was also a member of the air-band The Cool Cats.

He is constantly fearful of Sacred Heart being sued. Once, when J.D. and Turk asked him what the issues would be if a doctor hit a golfball off the roof, and it went into the windshield of someone who would then go to that very hospital, Ted froze for a moment. When they attempted to get his attention, Ted greeted them once again, and asked them what he could do for him, as if his fear had completely repressed the memory of question.

Ted's Mom ("Their Story")

Relationships

Dr. Kelso

Robert Kelso used Ted as his personal punching bag when he was Chief of Medicine. He often had Ted do demeaning tasks simply for his pleasure. Ted often talked about murdering either himself or Dr. Kelso due to this mistreatment. When Perry Cox convinces the hospital that Dr. Kelso has died, Ted celebrated but was scared when he returned. When Dr. Kelso did retire, he seriously thanked Ted for all of his hard work and left Ted speechless. Ted was shown to be a keen and excited lawyer with a full head of hair when he started working for Kelso, but likely Kelso poor treatment of him and the stress of his job left him a totally different man. ("My Dumb Luck")

Janitor

Ted seems to respect and follow the Janitor, and he's one of the few people Janitor has compassion for. He often helps the Janitor with his plans, and is a member of his brain trust. While the Janitor sometimes takes advantage of Ted, he's not nearly as bad as Dr. Kelso, and he encourages Ted to stand up to him. The Janitor even called a truce with JD to help Ted ask Stephanie Gooch out, and was inspired by Ted to be greener.

Ted's Mom

Ted is portrayed as someone who is still childish and reliant on his mother, but when he often loses his temper when someone attempts to boss him around or boast to him about something they have done better than him, such as Jim, the other lawyer, with to whom Ted replies angrily: "You're not my mom, Jim! You're not my mom!", implying that Ted's mom may put him down and his social awkwardness and eccentric and often melodramatic personality may have developed.

Social relationships

Ted was plagued with a lack of relationship for years. Typically, a beautiful woman even remembering his name is enough to make him infatuated. He did, however, have a short fling with a cancer patient who was going to die as a virgin (though in My New Game it is revealed that Ted is in fact impotent). Whenever a female interacts with him in a positive light, he says "we can walk home together", or other things among that degree, most of the time, in a slightly eager tone. He has mentioned that he was married, though now she is with his brother, though apparently through a mistake with divorce papers, he signed Dr. Cox's papers and vice versa, making them both still legally married.

File:8x8screwyou.jpg

Ted and Gooch singing ("My Lawyer's in Love")

Stephanie Gooch

Ted and Stephanie Gooch are in love and are currently traveling the states together. They both love singing, and they met at Sacred Heart. ("My Lawyer's in Love") They recently moved in together, and Ted is proud that they're having sex. Although he's disgusted with the very image as everyone else is. ("My Chief Concern")

Personality Profile

Likes

• Brain Trust
• Brain Bunch
• Cycling
• Danni Sullivan
• The Gilmore Girls
• His "Going-Out" Hair
• His Mother
• Scratching one side of his head with the opposite side hand.
  • My Interpretation
  • My Dream Job
• Singing
• Staring contests
• Stephanie Gooch
• Triathlons
• When people know his name
• Wigs
  • The Worthless Peons

Dislikes

• Dr. Kelso
• Doug Murphy
• His job
• His bald head
• His lack of courage
• Lawsuits
• Neena Broderick
• Flop sweat
• People other than his mom calling him Thunder ("My Point of No Return")
• His easily sunburnt skin.

Nicknames

• Big Chief Flop Sweat (Dr. Cox)  ("My Nightingale")
• Captain Clip-on (Dr. Cox)  ("My Drama Queen")
• Garfunkel (Dr. Kelso)  ("My Tormented Mentor")
• Hair Club (Kevin Casey)  ("My Catalyst")
• Lackey (Dr. Cox)  ("My Nightingale")
• Loki
• Ned (Dr. Kelso)  ("My Sacrificial Clam")
• Sweaty Teddy (Dr. Cox)  (Mary Anne Buckland)
• Sweat Balls
• Teddy
• Teddy Bear (Dr. Kelso)  ("My Occurrence")
• Thunder (Mary Anne Buckland)  ("My Point of No Return")

Trivia

• It is shown in flashbacks that Ted has worked for Dr. Kelso since he had a full head of hair, and has been mentioned numerous times that Ted has worked there (and been abused by Kelso) long before the show started, but in ("My Dumb Luck") Ted says that he has only been Kelso's whipping boy for 8 years, the number of years passed since the show started.
• When he gets put on the spot, his throat closes up.
• He constantly goes up to the roof, trying to work up the courage to jump. He had almost done so twice, but was stopped once by garbage that had been stashed by the Janitor and Randall, and once by the aura emanating from the rare occurrence of Dr. Cox in a good mood.
• He keeps a bottle of pills and a gun in his office.
• He keeps a smiley face button and a revolver in his briefcase. One is for when he gets sad the other is for when he gets really sad.
• He often thinks about murdering Dr. Kelso. Kelso knows about this, but always replies "You don't have the guts." When asked about his dreams he replied, "Oh no, not me. I just have the one dream over and over. I hold his (Kelso's) head under the water until that last bubble goes... bloop"
• In one episode, Ted says that he was once married, and his wife left him. But in the 8th season, when he starts dating Gooch, he says that she is his first girlfriend.
• Dr. Kelso says Ted is "hardly his type", but Ted disagreed saying that he had seen Enid. ("My New Game")
• Ted is an active member of the Brain Trust. At one point when he regained some confidence he left with Todd and started the Brain Bunch.
• When Ted was a baby, his mother would sometimes leave his crib in the driveway and on one incident, a marble fountain fell on him. (This coincidentally also happened to the Janitor)
• Ted once got Nurse Tisdale's phone number from Dr. Cox in exchange for a key to Dr. Kelso's room. ("My Hypocritical Oath")
• Ted had reconstructive surgery after Baxter ate the lower half of his hamstring. ("My New Role")
• Due to his excessive bicycle riding, Ted's sperm have no tails, therefore they just "float". ("My Absence")
• Ted's skin is very sensitive to the sun and demands a lot of sunscreen. Without it, he burns in mere seconds. ("My Soul on Fire, Part 1")  ("My Soul on Fire, Part 2 ")
• Ted is left handed.
• Sam Lloyd, who plays Ted, appeared in an episode of the final season of 'Til Death, where Kate Micucci, who plays Stephanie Gooch on Scrubs, plays a major character.
• Ted's sterile, this is possibly from excessive bike riding. ("My Drama Queen")