Our Meeting with J.D.

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs: Interns webisode "Our Meeting with J.D.".

Theme Song

Sacred Heart - Classroom

Sunny: Hey everyone, it's Sunny again. Welcome back to my video diary. Apparently only three people viewed episode one. But that's ok! Thanks mom and Ragola Auntie. Also, thanks to Donnie from Sarasota. I'm glad you think Indian chicks are tasty. They are! Anyway, I decided to spruce things up a bit so I set up a bunch of cameras around the room. Check it! Angle change! Angle change! Angle change! Angle change! What up! Anyway, we're just in the middle of a lecture. Dr. Dorian had to step away for a minute and the conversation has become a bit racy. Angle change.

Katie: I'm just saying, It's impossible to find somebody to sex it up with when I'm working this much.

Howie: How about somebody you already know? Someone who understands what you're doing?

Katie: Yea, not gonna happen Howie.

Howie: (to camera) Mark my words. I will get there.

Denise: I just like guys with a little bit more meat on their bones, you know?

Katie: Well like how meaty?

Denise: Well like that dude right there. Hey you! Yea, no bigger than him. Yea you can go. Go eat a burger or something like that. Beef up!

Sunny: So why give your flower to jumbo jacks?

Denise: Fattys just try harder.

J.D.: Hey everybody, sorry I am late, but my carb-light delivery meal came and it's very perishable. Laugh all you want, but as you can see, something is happening here and I'm very pleased with it. Ok, back to the lecture. I've taken a bunch of notes on hospital vernacular, so if you guys might wanna jot some things down if you feel it relates to you. Ok? First one is "gomers." "Gomers" are elderly patients, stands for "Get Outta My Emergency Room." When a patient is going to die, they are CTD, stands for Circling the Drain. Turfing a patient. Turfing a patient is when you get rid of a patient by sending them to another ward. And "bounce" is when they bounce that patient back to you. So, you could be having a gomer, who's CTD, you turf him somewhere and he gets bounced back. Are we tying things together guys? Let's try, you know, I try and use flow charts, when I'm taking notes, or even when I'm just hanging out. I love to draw flow charts. The Geriatric Ward is called the Departure Lounge. If you hear a surgeon say LGFD, that means "patient looks good from the door". That's not how we medical doctors do things, because we're feelies. We like to hold. We like to caress, appropriately of course. Which leads me to a very important point. If you have to examine a genital area, whether it be a penis or vagina, make sure another doctor or nurse is present. There have been several times, when I was simply examining a noo-noo and the patient was asleep, someone walks in, you know there I am looking at the noo-noo. It's no good. T.C.W. is a Tasty Coma Wife. If a patient accidentally drops a deuce in their pants, it's a code brown. Moving on. HFFA, very important, "Hot From Far Away". I may say to you "Hey, we got an HFFA", that way everyone around will think "oh hey, he's talking some medical jargon" that way you will know it is your code to go up to the woman and tell me if she is hot up close. Next week, we are going to start assigning you guys some nicknames. Are there any questions? Yes, Gollum.

Howie: What?

J.D.: Don't like it? Just trying things out. Ok guys, thanks. Dorian out. Elevator going down.

Sunny: Hey, did you guys get this note about our next meeting?

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