"My Road to Nowhere" is the 125th episode of Scrubs. It aired as episode 8 of season 6 on February 8, 2007.
Synopsis
J.D., living in a tent on his half-acre, awakens when his alarm clock goes off at 6:00. He gets into an argument with his neighbors, who are upset with him for using their electricity for his alarm clock. In the back-and-forth which ensues, J.D. inadvertently reveals that his neighbor’s wife is having an affair. The wife responds by brutally beating J.D.
At the hospital, Dr. Kelso is showing off his new R.V. to Ted. He then instructs Ted to take the day off in order to get the R.V. washed and waxed.
J.D., Turk, and Dr. Cox use an ultrasound machine to find a patient’s kidney stone. This causes J.D. to reflect that Kim, pregnant with his child, is having her first ultrasound the next day. He does not plan on going, however, because of the need to find an apartment. Dr. Cox rebukes him for this, coining the term “Dorian” to represent something stupid. Cox also discusses Jordan’s recently improved personality, confiding to J.D. and Turk that the two of them actually cuddled the night before.
J.D. changes his mind an decides to visit Kim for the ultrasound. In the lobby, Turks asks Carla for permission to go with J.D. to Tacoma. She says yes, claiming that denying him permission to go would be “Dorian”. J.D. is alarmed at how quickly the new phrase is spreading. Dr. Cox enters the lobby in an angry mood, demanding to know why J.D. told Jordan about Cox’s admission about cuddling. At that moment, Jack runs into the lobby and, having apparently been instructed by Jordan, says “Man Check” and punches Cox in the crotch. Cox writhes in pain and falls on the floor, whereupon Jordan enters, picks Jack up and praises him as a good boy.
J.D. begins hunting for other people to join the road trip. When he asks Elliot and Keith, he is told by Keith that they have already made plans to spend the weekend with his grandmother. Elliot, excited, tells him that they should blow off his grandmother and go on the trip, rationalizing that there will be plenty of other weekends to spend with Keith’s grandmother, despite the fact that she is 96-years-old.
Meanwhile, in the doctor’s lounge, Dr. Cox is trying to manipulate Carla into becoming angry at Turk for leaving her to deal with work and the baby while he and J.D. enjoy their trip. When Turk comes to say goodbye, Carla determines that she should be the one to go, while Turk will remain behind to deal with the baby. She then leaves the room before Turk can protest.
J.D., Carla, Elliot and Keith are getting into the car, with the front seat being occupied by Rowdy. Just as it becomes obvious that they need a bigger vehicle, Ted pulls up in Kelso’s R.V., asking if they know where to find a giant carwash. The group then appropriates the R.V. for the road trip.
Turk is upset that Cox’s meddling caused him to miss the road trip. When Jordan arrives for her ultrasound, he concocts a revenge scheme whereby Jordan will learn the sex of the baby but refuse to tell Cox, thus driving him insane.
The road trip group is happily exploring Kelso’s R.V. Ted gets up from the driver’s seat to tell them not to touch the dressing gowns they found in the closet, explaining that they are for Kelso’s “various masseuses”, J.D. asks who is driving the R.V., whereupon a panicked Ted returns to the driver’s seat. Elliot suggests that she drive. When Keith playfully says that he wishes no one had to drive, J.D. has a daydream in which the R.V. is a computerized, autonomous vehicle that can drive itself, just like Kitt from Knight Rider. Carla then becomes distraught because she misses her baby and asks them to turn back.
At the hospital, Jordan is having her ultrasound. Jordan demands that Cox leave the room, telling him that she will not tell him the sex of the baby unless he works out a routine with Jack for a dance recital. Upon being kicked out of the room, Cox encounters Turk in the hallway, gloating over his successful retaliation. Turk’s cell phone rings, but before he can answer it Cox grabs it and throws it into an elevator by bouncing it off Dr. Beardface’s foot.
Because Turk is not answering his phone, Cara is convinced that something is wrong with the baby and wants to return to the hospital. J.D. locks her in a closet. In the front seat, Elliot is driving and telling a story about her father. Realizing that she’s talking to Rowdy, she calls for Keith (who is playing cards with Ted) to come up to the front and keep her company. Ted and Keith nearly get into a fight after Keith refers to Ted as a “mama’s boy”, prompting J.D. to tell them to sit down and not talk.
At this moment, the Janitor, whose presence in the R.V. no one had suspected, walks out of the bedroom. Apparently, he had been taking a nap in the bedroom. Thinking that the R.V. was still in the hospital parking lot rather than moving down a highway, the Janitor opens the door and steps out, falling painfully onto the side of the road. The R.V. stops to pick him up.
Back at the hospital, Jordan’s ultrasound reveals a problem with the baby. The doctor conducted the ultrasound then leaves the room. Turk and Cox, who had been yelling at each other in the hallway, end their argument to follow the doctor in order to determine what the problem is.
The group in the R.V. is suffering from various minor injuries due to Elliot’s abrupt slamming on the brakes, and the Janitor seems uncertain of where he is. J.D. expounds on how important it is to him to see the baby’s first ultrasound, whereupon the Janitor (to the tune of Aaron Copeland’s Fanfare for the Common Man”) declares his determination to go with him, even though he does not know who he is. The rest of the group, inspired by the Janitor, agrees to continue the trip, although J.D. insists on driving the rest of the way.
Back at the hospital, Cox learns that there is a urinary tract obstruction that could be blocking the amitotic fluid to Jordan’s fetus, meaning that they will have to operate on the fetus while it is still in the womb. Turk finally recovers his phone, but just as Turk and Carla are beginning to talk, the R.V. enters a tunnel that is not big enough for them to pass, resulting in the entire right side of the vehicle being torn off. Nevertheless, the road trip goes on, with the group either trying to sleep or playing cards despite being completely exposed to the elements. Turk tells them about the problems with Jordan’s ultrasound.
Cox learns the details of the upcoming surgery and, as he cannot be in the O.R. himself, he asks a surprised Turk to be present for him, despite his not being a neo-natal surgeon.
The R.V. finally arrives at the hospital and, after dropping J.D. off, begins the journey back to Sacred Heart.
Meanwhile, Turk is trying to persuade Dr. Kelso to allow him into the surgery on Jordan’s unborn child. Kelso asks him to get him Al Green tickets, apparently thinking that Turk will be able to do so simply because he is black. Undeterred, he begins to explain a “Plan B” to Turk.
J.D. finds Kim in the lobby of her hospital and she is surprised to see him. They go into her office, where Kim tells J.D. that she had a miscarriage. J.D. is stunned by this news.
Just before Jordan goes into the O.R. for the surgery, Cox tells her that he loves her. During the surgery itself, Turk sees the tiny hand of the unborn child, which leaves him speechless. Shortly thereafter, Turks finds Cox in the doctor’s lounge and tells him that everything went well. When Cox’s response is not as enthusiastic as Turk expected, Cox explains his concerns about the baby’s future health. Turk assures him that the baby will be fine, because he felt its strength when it touched his hand. He also reveals to Cox that the baby is a girl.
Back in Tacoma, Kim an J.D. are sitting on a bench outside the hospital. They discuss whether they should continue their relationship now that it seems they won’t be having a child together. She also tells him that her hospital has offered her a permanent position. They talk things over for several hours (ordering pizza along the way) and eventually decide to part ways.
After J.D. returns to Sacred Heart, however, the scene shifts back to Tacoma, where Kim is having an ultrasound that reveals a perfectly healthy baby. For unknown reasons, she has lied to J.D. and is still pregnant.
Fantasies
- The RV drives itself, "Knight Rider"-style.
Janitor story
- Janitor (accidentally) goes on the road trip, and ends up with amnesia.
Guest Stars
- Van Epperson as Mr. Mariani
- Rick Irwin as Dr. Mahoney
- Kelli Kirkland Powers as Rochelle
- Eamonn Roche as Buzz
- Spice Williams as Donna
- Naomi Serotoff as Old Woman
- Michael Ausiello as Obstetrician
- Geoff Stevenson as Dr. Beardface
Music
- "Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copland
- "Hands of Time" by Ron Sexsmith
Quotes
Dorian...aw, damn it, now I'm doing it. -J.D.
Man Check! -Jack
"Excuse me, my mother sleeps with men. I've seen it!" - Ted
"So, can I stop squeezing out brats or is it another stupid boy?" - Jordan
Trivia
- Turk's ringtone is "Guy Love" from the episode "My Musical".
- The doctor doing Kim's ultrasound at the end of the episode is played by TV Guide columnist Michael Ausiello.
- According to writer/producer Mark Stegemann on the DVD commentary, Judy Reyes (Carla) has a broken hip, resulting in her sitting for most of the episode.
- According to Mark Stegemann on the DVD commentary, Mark Stegemann has a cameo as the pizza guy who delivers to the park bench at 3am.
- When Doctor Cox tells Doctor Beardfacè to turn his foot "90-ish" Beardfacè actually turns his foot 45 degrees.