My Road to Nowhere

"My Road to Nowhere"
Season	Six
Episode	Eight
Writer	Mark Stegemann
Director	Mark Stegemann
Air date	February 8, 2007

“You could learn the sex, not tell Perry, hold it over his head, and play him like your little bitch-boy.”— Turk to Jordan

My Road to Nowhere is the eigth episode of Scrubs' sixth season. J.D. is joined by Carla, Janitor, Elliot, Keith and Ted as they go on a road trip to see Kim's ultrasound and Dr. Cox wants to know the gender of his baby, as Jordan has decided to allow him to know this while Turk and Dr. Cox get revenge on each other.

Synopsis

J.D. finds Carla in the car instead of Turk

Kim is soon to have her first ultrasound, but J.D. isn't going to be able to make it because he is busy looking for an apartment. Dr. Cox tells J.D. that he is also soon going to be seeing his own baby's ultrasound, and that Jordan will also let him know the sex of the baby because she is now starting to soften up. Turk, meanwhile, asks Carla's permission to go on a roadtrip with J.D. to see the ultrasound - and she allows him.

Jordan gets revenge on Dr. Cox via Jack punching his crotch

However, Dr. Cox is annoyed at Turk for telling Jordan he knows she is softening up, so he convinces Carla to change her mind and take Turk's place on the roadtrip, and leaving him to look after the baby. Keith and Elliot are then also invited by J.D. on the roadtrip, but the increased number of people means that they decide to take Dr. Kelso's new, expensive RV - which Ted is meant to be looking after and cleaning.

Jordan's baby grabs hold of Turk's finger in vivo

Meanwhile, Turk decides to get his own revenge on Dr. Cox by convincing Jordan to not tell him the gender of the baby - which she happily agrees to knowing that he would then be fully under her control. However, while the Jordan's ultrasound takes place, they find out that there is a problem with the baby that would involve having to operate on it while it is still in the womb, and Dr. Cox asks if Turk could assist in the operation. At first, Turk declines, but he changes his mind after Dr. Cox tells him how if it was Isabella at risk, that Turk would want someone he knew to be there.

Kim has her ultrasound, without J.D.

Meanwhile, Janitor wakes up in the RV, and joins them (after him falling out the RV while it is was in motion) as they arrive in Tacoma for the ultrasound, but all of them leave J.D. to go back after hearing the news of Dr. Cox's baby. J.D. is excited to see Kim and the ultrasound, but is shocked when he finds out that she had a miscarriage. Meanwhile, there is good news with the other ultrasound - Dr. Cox finds out that the baby is a girl. J.D. and Kim decide that they should now go their own ways now a baby isn't in the picture, but what he doesn't know is that Kim is still, in fact, pregnant as she goes through with the ultrasound.

Recurring Themes

Fantasies

Jonathan 3000

• The RV drives itself, "Knight Rider"-style, under the name of "Jonathan 3000". However, J.D. gets creeped out when the RV asks him to wipe some dust of the dashboard and enjoys it a bit too much.

Janitor story

Janitor, not knowing the RV was moving, leaves the vehicle after sleeping in there

Janitor wakes up on the RV, while it is being driven to the ultrasound, but he doesn't realize and walks straight off the RV while it is in motion. He is okay, but slightly hurt, and returns to the RV to join them for the rest of the trip.

J.D.'s Girls Name

Dorian Again. - Dr. Cox

• Dorian, used by Perry Cox Not as a girl's name, but as a word said by him everytime someone does something stupid. It begins to catch on, and other characters, including J.D. himself begin using it..

“Dorian! You have been wrong about so many things, that I'm not even going to say somethings wrong anymore. Instead, I'm going to say "it's Dorian". And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian.”— Dr. Cox

Episode Running Gags

• Every time someone does the "Low-Arm-Pump" A.K.A. the "Please Honk your Horn Sign", a truck honks its horn.
  • Keith yawns/stretches, pulling his arm down as a truck passes by (Causing Elliot to wake up and yell "Holy frick on a stick!").
  • The group arrives at Kim's Hospital, and Keith does the arm pump and says "YES!", although he claims he didn't even see a truck.
  • Turk describes to Dr. Cox his celebration of Izzy being born with his "Tiger Woods arm swing", even though they are inside the break room at Sacred Heart.

Guest Stars

Frank Encarnacao as Dr. Mickhead.

• Frank Encarnacao as Dr. Walter Mickhead
• Van Epperson as Mr. Mariani
• Rick Irwin as Dr. Mahoney
• Kelli Kirkland Powers as Rochelle
• Eamonn Roche as Buzz
• Spice Williams as Donna
• Naomi Serotoff as Old Woman
• Michael Ausiello as Obstetrician
• Geoff Stevenson as Dr. Seymour Beardfacé

Music

     ♫ List of music featured in Scrubs

• "Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copland
• "Hands of Time" by Ron Sexsmith

Quotes

“Excuse me, my mother sleeps with men. I've seen it!”— Ted

“Jordan...the boy already lip syncs into your tampons, must we put the final nail in his tiny gay coffin?”— Dr. Cox

“Dorian! You have been wrong about so many things, that I'm not even going to say somethings wrong anymore. Instead, I'm going to say "it's Dorian". And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian. I mean, hell, Jordan's having her second ultrasound and I couldn't be more giddy. I can't wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax break.”— Dr. Cox

“Jordan doesn't let you know the sex until the baby's born.”— Turk

“Dorian again. I don't know if it's the hormones or if the baby's actually eating the bitch cells, but Jordan has softened. In fact, last night, she... she asked me to cuddle.”

“Check out that body. Bet you'd like to give her a ride, huh?”— Dr. Kelso while looking at RV

“Ooh, you betcha.”— Ted while looking at old lady

“Over here perv.”

“The last road-trip I took was with my sorority-sisters, so it will be nice to go with people who actually like me.”— Elliot

“Why are you always so hard on yourself? Your sorority-sisters probably loved you.”— Keith

“Keith, they tried to sell me.”

“Y'know, Keith, if the buyer hadn't been an undercover Federali, Elliot would be a slave somewhere now...there wouldn't be any uncomfortable sexual tension between us, and you and I would probably be the best of friends.”— J.D.

J.D.'s angry neighbours.

“You are ruining our neighborhood.”— Donna

“Oh really, Donna, I'm ruining the neighborhood? At least I'm quiet. Were you guys having sex last night or raping a baboon?”— J.D.

“I wasn't home last night.”— Buzz

“My bad.”

Trivia

• Turk's ringtone is "Guy Love" from the episode "My Musical".
• The doctor doing Kim's ultrasound at the end of the episode is played by TV Guide columnist Michael Ausiello.
• According to writer/producer Mark Stegemann on the DVD commentary, Judy Reyes (Carla) has a broken hip, resulting in her sitting for most of the episode.
• According to Mark Stegemann on the DVD commentary, he has a cameo as the pizza guy who delivers to the park bench at 3am.
• When Dr. Cox tells Dr. Beardfacè to turn his foot "90-ish" Beardfacè actually turns his foot 45 degrees.
  • But his two feet make up approximately 90 degree angle which was probably the point.
• This is the first episode that Rowdy appears in since "My Changing Ways".
• After Jack doing Dr Cox a "Man check" and Dr Cox is rolling on the floor, you can see he has a tattoo on his leg, It's half covered by his sock.