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Oh, it's called I'm on a completely different, more awesome site.The Todd

"My Number One Doctor" is the sixth episode of Scrubs' seventh season. Dr. Kelso signs the hospital up to, a website where patients can evaluate their doctor's level of care online, and all of the doctors work to reach the top position.


J.D. is proud to be #1

Dr. Kelso signs the hospital up to, a website where patients can evaluate their doctor's level of care online. Turk and Dr. Cox go to great lengths to get J.D. out of the running of becoming number one doctor on the website. They trick patients into believing The Todd is J.D. so that they lower J.D.'s rating. J.D. can't believe that Turk went to these extremes. Turk talks to Dr. Kelso about the situation and he changes J.D.'s rating back. Turk pays him back by letting him win at basketball and yelling "White Lightning" every time he scores.

Elliot & Shannon

Elliot and Shannon

Meanwhile, Elliot mentions how she gets to know her private practice patients due to her being able to repeatedly treat them and has become close with Shannon, a patient with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Shannon is increasingly paralyzed and has accepted her fate, but shocks Elliot by admitting she deliberately attempted to overdose on her medication. Shannon argues that she has the right to die before she is completely paralyzed. Despite Elliot's strong moral objections and J.D.'s advice that Elliot will be forever haunted by the decision, Elliot decides that her friendship with Shannon is more important and decides not to tell the home care nurse, Gayle, so that Shannon can do as she wishes.

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Carla & Janitor

Carla can't figure out what the Janitor's new girlfriend, Lady, sees in him. The Janitor hides his crazy side from his girlfriend, and Carla tries to make him tell her. When he does, his girlfriend is shocked so Carla lies and says that his craziness was all an act, advising him to let his craziness out in small amounts. Kelso assists Carla while also eating large numbers of muffins, having won free muffins for life in a Coffee Bucks' bean counting contest.

Recurring Themes

     More: FantasiesFlashbacksJ.D.'s girl namesJanitor's pranks and lies


J.D. imagines Turk giving him a unicorn

  • As a way of repaying J.D, Turk gets J.D. a unicorn, however it is just two guys in a unicorn costume.
    • The subsequent fantasy shows Turk getting J.D. another unicorn, this one is just a white horse with a horn stuck on its head.


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7x6 Nerd Toss.jpg
  • J.D. recalls the only time he ever won something, when his High School's Football team tossed him (a nerd) further than a rival High School's nerd. This is also the moment he decided to become a doctor as the rival nerd was knocked unconscious.

Janitor story

Janitor is smitten with his girlfriend Lady, much to the surprise of Carla. After some snooping, she sees that Janitor is repressing all of his crazy, and acting normally around her, going as far as to wear khaki sweaters when with Lady. Carla tries to persuade him that if he continues to lie about his personality, the truth will come out and the relationship will end. Dr. Kelso, on the other hand, says that lying is the foundation of all inter-gender relationships. The Janitor takes Carla's advice, and tries revealing to Lady who he truly is, but with horrific results. Carla sees how badly it is going, and intervenes before Lady gets too freaked out. Carla then tells him he should dole out his "crazy" to Lady in small doses. Later on, while watching TV with Lady he shows her a stuffed squirrel he bought, he retracts his excitement when she reacts with disgust.

J.D.'s Girl Names

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  • Cox doesn't give J.D. a girl's name in this episode, he refers to him once as "23", J.D.'s ranking on after Todd starts calling himself John Dorian.

Episode Running Gags

  • Turk stands on a chair because it allows him to see into four patients' rooms without actually going inside.
  • Dr. Kelso tries to read the newest Harry Potter novel, and draws "Harry Potter glasses in permanent marker" on people who spoil it for him.
  • Turk's rating states that people are annoyed when he says "That's what I'm talking about." Dr. Cox is also annoyed by this.
  • The Janitor's "smitten voice" is a Southern accent.  His "sad voice" is a childlike English accent.

Guest Stars

Lauren Stamile as Shannon.


     List of music featured in Scrubs

  • "B-13" by Jump, Little Children
  • "Ride of the Valkyries" by Richard Wagner


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7x6 Todd Turk Cox Doug on laptops.jpg
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7x6 Elliot JD.jpg
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7x6 fake unicorn.jpg
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I thinks it's time you knew the real me. All right here we go, I'm not like normal people. I don't have superpowers, but I'm working on it. For instance watch me move this pen [looks at the pen and raises an eyebrow, the pen doesn't move]. It worked at home, I don't know, maybe my table's slanted. my spare time I also enjoy stuffing animals; usually with other animals. For instance, a badger will hold five squirrels. A squirrel will hold most of a cat, a mouse will hold a shrew and a vole. Circle of life. I have broken the sound barrier, but you must never ask me how. I don't believe in the moon, I think it's just the back of the sun.Janitor to Lady

Ha! I love a good train wreck.Dr. Kelso

I do declare spending special relationary time with my girlfriend makes me happier than a bullfrog in a beetle bin.Janitor

Why are you talking like that?Carla
'Cos I'm smitten with my girlfriend, Lady, and this is my smitten voice. Why? What voice do you use when your smitten?

You guys are playing Smelly Belly?J.D.

Dr. Kelso, I became a doctor to save lives, heal wounds and to occasionally drop the M.D. bomb to pull hot tail in bars.J.D.

You know what else works; Cosmonaut. Try it. Thank me later.Dr. Kelso
Noted.J.D.'s narration

My love for Enid falls a percentage point with every pound she gains. Since our wedding day I'm 136% less in love with her.Dr. Kelso

You're going to comment on your wife's weight, when you've got muffins stuffed down your pants.Carla
I like them warm.

So, you went to your own funeral. Were people sad enough for you?J.D.

Most of them, and anyone who wasn't crying got a talking to.Shannon
You should have invited me, I can cry on cue. Say "Dead puppies".

Dead puppies.
[J.D. starts crying]

One Blueberry, please. [Throws the muffin in the bin] Because I can.Dr. Kelso

Can I borrow you laptop just for a second, please? Thank you. Yep, still #1. Now to put the cursor back on Dr. Turk who's lower down on the ranking list; scrolling down...scrolling, fake watch [looks at wrist], scrolling, scrolling. There he is, all the way at the bottom, right above Dr. Murphy here.J.D.

How can I be last? All of my patients are dead.Doug
Doug, do you remember that guy you put in the morgue drawer? Turns out he was just heavily sedated.

Oh yeah, you're right. All the comments are from him.

Tell me this, do you like her?Carla referring to Lady

[Janitor looks at the nurse next to him]
Well, I've never met her before, but no. In fact I may hate her.Janitor

Do you know that I'm the #1 Doctor in the hospital?J.D.

Yes, J.D.. I got the e-mailsElliot

White Lightning!J.D. and Turk everytime J.D. scores in basketball


  • Dr. Kelso sings "The Muffin Man" song, which is a traditional nursery rhyme or children's song of English origin.
  • The producers of Scrubs actually made the doctor rating site Viewers of the show can go and view profiles of the characters and simulate a 0 to 5 rating for them.
  • Dr. Cox mentions a comment on saying "what's up with Dr Cox's hair. One week he's bald, the next week he looks like Shirley Temple. Signed Michelle M." This is a fan in-joke mocking Dr Cox's temporary baldness in "My Night to Remember" and the fan reaction to it.
  • Turk and Dr. Cox play Smelly Belly during this episode.
  • The Janitor's "smitten" voice is the same voice Neil Flynn uses for the Waterworker character in the Ratchet & Clank games.
  • Turk tells J.D. that his "nose can't stand smells of that magnitude." This is a reference to Admiral Ackbar's famous line in Return of the Jedi.
  • When Lady pushes the Janitor after Carla says he's joking, his immediate reaction is to choke Lady. You can see him raise his hands in a choking position but stops himself.
  • This episode suggests that like his friend Turk (and as opposed to Elliot), J.D. is a Democrat, as evidenced by the t-shirt he wears in this episode.
  • In the basketball shot Turk is wearing Nike Jordan 11 Low IE Azures, while J.D. is wearing Nike Jordan Work M.