- “Well done, John "I think I'm a man of the people, but now thanks to the Janitor everyone knows I'm a fraud, and I have egg on my face" Dorian. That's your clever new nickname.”— Janitor
"My Identity Crisis" is the fourth episode of Scrubs' seventh season. Carla worries about losing her Spanish heritage. Janitor quizzes J.D. on the real names of Sacred Heart employees. Cox questions his identity when Jordan goes on vacation.
Synopsis[]
Carla dreams in English
Carla's fears[]
Carla wakes up from a nightmare about J.D. and Turk killing her. She later explains to them that the dream was only scary to her because it was in English and not Spanish. Carla then becomes scared that her daughter won't accept her Latina heritage, she even threats that she is losing sight of her heritage, considering her best friend is a "very, very white girl from Connecticut" amongst other things. Turk talks her down telling her it is preposterous that she could be anything less than a "proud Latin woman". That night she has the same nightmare, but in Spanish, she says tells Turk that it was a great dream and asks what he is listening to on his iPod. Turk tells her he's listening to a medical lecture, when in fact he's learning Spanish.
J.D.'s name game[]
J.D., in the process of mocking the Janitor's social skill, claims to be a 'Man of the People'. After he calls Nurse Shirley "Lavernegan" (Laverne-again), because he claims that she looks like Laverne, the Janitor calls him a fraud as he uses nicknames for people in the hospital whose names he doesn't actually know, of which there are many. He challenges J.D. to learn the names of all the Hospital's staff, otherwise J.D. will have to take over as the Janitor for a day. If J.D. wins, the Janitor will (actually) do his own job for a day. J.D. finally learns everyone's name in the hospital, but loses the bet because he does not know the Janitor's name.
Cox's identity[]
Jordan goes to visit her mother for a week, taking Jack and Jennifer Dylan with her, she makes a bet with Dr. Cox that he will miss them more than they miss him. Cox is horrified he is not the 'island' he thought he was, and to deal with his loneliness he comes in on his day off and actually helps J.D. to learn everyone's name. Elliot says he is still the same "giant jackass" he always was, and that he is lucky to have people who love and care about him. He calls Jordan and the kids, losing the bet.
Recurring Themes[]
More: Fantasies • Flashbacks • J.D.'s girl names • Janitor's pranks and lies
Fantasies[]
Carla dreams about being killed.
Carla has the same dream again in Spanish.
- Carla dreams (in English, then later in Spanish) that Turk conspires with J.D. and Elliot to kill her so that J.D. will have Turk all to himself and that Elliot will finally have a baby.
- The Risky Business underwear scene is replicated featuring Dr. Cox, J.D., Turk and the Todd
- [Cox slides in, and then J.D.]
- “Hi Perry”— J.D.
- “No Newbie, y-you ge-get out. No.”— Dr. Cox
- “No Newbie, y-you ge-get out. No.”— Dr. Cox
- “Well, I thought it would be fun.”
- [Turk slides in]
- “He said no.”
- “But you told me...”— Turk
- “But you told me...”— Turk
- “I assumed he would say yes...”
- [The Todd slides in, in only his banana hammock]
- “I did not invite The Todd.”
- “Fellas, why you wearing such giant underwear?”— The Todd
- “Fellas, why you wearing such giant underwear?”— The Todd
Janitor story[]
The Janitor discovers that J.D. only uses nicknames for people in the hospital whose names he doesn't actually know. He challenges J.D. to learn everyone's real name in the hospital, otherwise J.D. will have to take over as the Janitor for a day. If J.D. wins, the Janitor will do his own job for a day.
Guest Stars[]
- Bob Bencomo as Coleman "Colonel Doctor" Slawski
- Manley Henry as Ronald "Snoop Dogg Attending"
- Andy Kreiss as Geneticist
- Philip McNiven as Roy
- Andrew Miller as Jack Cox
- George Miserlis as Crispin
- Paul Perry as Randall
- Geoff Stevenson as Dr. Seymour Beardfacé
Music[]
♫ List of music featured in Scrubs
- "Who Are You" by The Who (performed by The Blanks)
- "Opportunity" by Pete Murray
Quotes[]
- “Putting my smile away...and on with the day.”— Ted
- “Putting my smile away...and on with the day.”— Ted
- “I came to tell you I'm taking the kids to my mother's for the weekend, and seeing that you're not allowed within 40 feet of her house...”— Jordan
- “The restraining order.”— Dr. Cox
- “The restraining order.”— Dr. Cox
- “Christmas memories...”
- “That's not the line.”— Elliot
- “That's not the line.”— Elliot
- “I saw it on a plane.”
- “Oh...”
- “Oh...”
- “But I can assure you, the one thing I'm not is...”— Dr. Cox
- “Straight?”— Dr. Kelso
- “Straight?”— Dr. Kelso
- “Audience participation is now over.”
- “[OK, you can get this one, I know it's just like Beardface, but not Beardface. What is it? Oh right...] Beardmouth!”— J.D.
- “It's Beardfacé, dammit!”— All of Sacred Heart
- “It's Beardfacé, dammit!”— All of Sacred Heart
- “Guilty...”— Dr. Cox
- “Guilty...”— Dr. Cox
- “Hello, Tall Dark and...whatever.”— J.D.
- “Handsome.”— Janitor
- “Handsome.”— Janitor
- “No.”
- “How is that fair?”— J.D.
- “I'll actually do my job for a day.”— Janitor
- “I'll actually do my job for a day.”— Janitor
- “Oh....deal. Do y'know how?”
- “It's been a while...I can do it.”
- “It's been a while...I can do it.”
- “Who is this?”— Dr. Cox
- “Ah, it's a Doctor, I think it's Patrick or Paul...”— J.D.
- “Ah, it's a Doctor, I think it's Patrick or Paul...”— J.D.
- “It's Gwen, though she does have a mean case of 'manface'.”
- “You're the only nurse who demands that any doctor who wants a big favor from you ask in Spanish”— Turk
- “Si, es lo mas molesto. (Yes, it's the most annoying thing ever)”— Dr. Kelso
- “Si, es lo mas molesto. (Yes, it's the most annoying thing ever)”— Dr. Kelso
- [Slide of Brandon shown.]
- “He looks like a serial killer, which is a kind of cereal I'd wanna stay away from, like Oat Bran. Brandon.”— J.D.
- “Hmmm, correct.”— Janitor
- “Hmmm, correct.”— Janitor
- [Slide of Snoop Dogg Attending shown.]
- “OK. Snoop Dogg Attending. I saw him without his pants on once, and he has craaazy skinny legs, like french fries. French fries are sold in McDonalds, whose founder is Ronald McDonald. Ronald.”
- “You saw him without his pants on once.”
- “You saw him without his pants on once.”
- [Another slide shown.]
- “That's Popcorn magnet, Orville Redenbacher.”
- “Nice.”
- “Nice.”
- “It's like this Ammonia is seeping into my brain and making me violent and angry and hateful.”— J.D., mopping
- “Yep. That's how it starts.”— Janitor
- “Yep. That's how it starts.”— Janitor
- “What the hell you looking at!?”— J.D. to random Doctor
- “Nice!”
- “Nice!”
- “Felt good.”
Trivia[]
- J.D. is put on the spot by the Janitor for referring to certain staff members (Snoop Dogg Attending, Colonel Doctor, and Dr. Beardface) by nicknames, even though everyone calls them by those names, and the Janitor himself mostly calls staff members by descriptive phrases. Also note that the name "Colonel Doctor" was coined by Dr. Kelso because no one knew his name.
- J.D.'s fantasy about Dr. Cox's weekend plans is a reference to Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
- During Dr Cox's celebratory Mexican Wave, Bill Lawrence can be seen wearing a red shirt as one of the participants of the wave.
- Participants in Dr. Cox's celebratory Wave: Dr. Cox, Jordan (reluctantly), Bill Lawrence, Dr. Beardfacé, Snoop Dogg Attending, Turk, Elliot, Carla, J.D., Colonel Doctor, J.D. (again), and 54 miscellaneous patients/employees; coming to a total of 68 (a nice 69 counting J.D. twice, as he ran down to the end) participants.
- When Jordan is arguing with Dr. Cox about who is going to miss the other more, the clock in the background does not move and stays at 9:15:02 exactly the whole time.
- J.D. thinks to himself, "oh my god I finally have a nickname", but technically "J.D." is a nickname itself.