Look, Elliot. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but none of you guys have any idea what it's like to feel this hopeless in your life. Y'know, other than J.D.Private Dancer

Wait, whoa whoa whoa, wait. What's happening?J.D.


The day has come for Private Brian Dancer to be released from Sacred Heart, but after a touching string of goodbyes with the staff, they find him unconscious. Finding a letter from the army informing him that his injuries are too severe to return to service, Elliot surmises that his sudden fit of illness was in fact a suicide attempt, and they want to convince Brian to confess to them that it wasn't an accidental overdose so they can keep him in the hospital. However, he reveals that he has overheard them all whispering while he pretended to be unconscious, and says he sees no reason why he should be honest with them when they are lying to each other.

This sparks a series of confessions from Carla, Turk and Elliot, with Carla admitting that she switched several pictures of Dr. Cox for more unflattering ones as a joke (to prove to Dr. Cox that she can be funny), and we see a revival of the issue touched on in 6.03 (My Coffee), that J.D. found Turk in bed with his college girlfriend, saying that they had a water balloon fight and huddled under the covers, with Turk finally admitting that he was lying. Finally, in a revelation that shocked her friends, Elliot admits that when she was sixteen she attempted suicide by walking into a lake and trying to drown herself. While everyone is in the room, the Janitor waits outside the room for J.D., holding a fish and fishbowl that JD received from another patient, waiting to harass him for "assuming [his] job is so unimportant" that he'd have time to hold that fish for JD. He soon realizes the fish can talk, and appears to be the reincarnated soul of Dr. Kelso's squad leader in Vietnam. The fishbowl was accidentally smashed when J.D. exited the room and knocked the bowl, currently resting on the floor, into a wall: the episode ended with the Janitor hurrying to save the fish, whose fate is unknown.

Finally Dr. Cox convinces Brian that even if he has nothing left to live for without his career, he owes it to the staff of Sacred Heart to keep trying, and allows him to be discharged after making him promise to talk to a therapist. As Private Dancer leaves the hospital, he shares a kiss with Elliot, and promises that if she's ever single in the future, he'll look her up.

Plot Points

  • Private Dancer is discharged from Sacred Heart, but is admitted back after he is found unconscious from a drug overdose.
  • Elliot believes the drug overdose was a suicide attempt after finding out that Private Dancer wasn't allowed back in the army.
  • J.D. and Turk resolve their old problem with J.D. finding his college girlfriend in bed with Turk.

Recurring Themes


  • Dr Cox as "the maid from The Brady Bunch".
  • The fish Janitor is holding talks to him, claiming to be Roger Dorsey, a Vietnam colleague of Dr Kelos's - although this is Janitor's imagination, not J.D.'s.
  • Turk has an explosive fart which propels him through the hospital ceiling.


  • J.D. recalls when Turk slept with his old girlfriend Stacy Blue during college. J.D. was rough and tough and Turk was very hip hop.
  • Turk recalls the same incident, but Stacy and himself simply took off their wet clothes after playing with water balloons. J.D. was very nerdy and Turk was handsome.

Janitor story

J.D. asks Janitor to hold a fishbowl for him. Janitor thinks J.D. is playing a mind game with him, and doesn't know how to respond. He is uncertain if he should or should not hold it, and stands by the door waiting to insult J.D.. He waits so long that he ultimately imagines the fish talking to him as Kelso's old war buddy Rodger Dorsy. His hand cramps and he ultimately accidentally breaks the fishbowl. J.D. gets upset with him, even though it was unintentional.

J.D.'s Girls Name

  • Alice, used by Perry Cox while telling Carla how everyone in the hospital is funny in different ways.
And Alice here, she can turn a phrase. I assume that because I just called you Alice, that you're now fantasizing about me being the maid in the Brady bunch. Am I right?Dr. Cox

He was.J.D.'s Narration

Guest Stars


     List of music featured in Scrubs

  • "Half a World Away" by R.E.M.
  • "On Poppin" by Young MC


Look, Elliot. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but none of you guys have any idea what it's like to feel this hopeless in your life. Y'know, other than J.D.Private Dancer

[Everyone agrees]
Wait, whoa whoa whoa, wait. What's happening?J.D.
After Elliot told us that she had attempted suicide, I had to ask the question that was on everybody's mind.J.D.'s Narration
Was it because I broke up with you?J.D.

Look, man, we all have those bleak moments where we swear we'll never bounce when I was 17, my mom walked in my room with a look that I've never seen. She said: "It's over, Turk. Michael Jordan's career is over."Turk

Is anyone a bigger idiot than you?Dr. Cox
Is he the black golfer?J.D.

Who wouldn't want this young buck at their bedside?Dr. Kelso on the picture of him topless

That picture's so old the beaches are still segregated.Laverne

You would hear crickets chirping, but they were too uncomfortable about just how unfunny that actually was.Dr. Cox

So what, I'm not funny?Carla
Why, I think you're very funny...when you're being sarcastic or you're up on your high horse. You know, as long as you stay right in your wheel house. And it's no different for any of us. Barbie is funniest when she's an anal retentive train wreck, your husband sells it with a cocky attitude.

Yeah, ya know, I do what I do when I do what I do.Turk
The janitor is amusing because quite frankly he's insane.

I made shoes for my rabbit.Janitor
And Alice here, she can turn a phrase. I assume that because I just called you Alice, that you're now fantasizing about me being the maid in the Brady bunch. Am I right?

He was.J.D.'s Narration
Now sadly, some people just aren't funny, BUT... they have funny names. For example: Dr. Beardface, Dr. Mickhead, Colonel Doctor and Snoop Dogg Intern.

Hey, hey.Snoop Dogg Resident
My bad, Snoop Dog Resident. The Todd is a sexual deviant, Laverne believes in God, which is hilarious to me, and Ted is the hospital sad sack.

I am?Ted

And me, well, I'm funny because I commit. C-O-M-M-I-T-T-T-T-T-Tea.
[He mimes a tea cup]
I also do, uh, funny rants. To tell you the truth, there is only one guy in this entire DUMP who is funny no matter WHAT he says.

Holy hell, are my new boxers made of wool? Because my weasel's getting heat stroke!Dr. Kelso
The point is, please, don't tell any more jokes.

I'm not a sad sack, am I?
Ted, your pen exploded.Carla


  • During the flashbacks to Turk and J.D.'s college days, there were numerous William & Mary and Tribe posters suggesting that they attended William & Mary (where Bill Lawrence went).
  • There is also an Ohio State banner on the wall.
  • During Dr. Cox's "Carla's not funny" rant, he calls Snoop Dogg Resident "Snoop Dogg Intern" even though he has been on the show since Season Two and J.D., Elliot, Turk, and Doug had gone from interns to residents in over the course of Season One.
    • During the course of his rant, Snoop Dogg Resident is offended at being called "Snoop Dogg Intern" and Dr. Cox corrects himself by saying "Snoop Dogg Resident".
  • Doug is the only long term character that is neither present or mentioned during Dr. Cox's "Carla's Not Funny" rant. Elliot is mentioned but is not present. This is probably because she was still with Private Dancer signing her autograph on his picture of her.
  • Continuity error: When first entering Private Dancers room the gang open his door outwards into the hall, however when Dr. Cox leaves the room firstly the door open into the room. As they all leave the same room in the end the door opens outwards into the hall again,subsequentilly causing J.D. to kill his old fish and assume the Janitor made him do so on purpose.
    • Hospital Doors are made to open either way for ease of access.
      • It's very clearly a different door. The hinges are on the opposite side in the last shot.
  • During Dr. Cox's 'tough love' rant to Private Dancer, he claims to have been busting my hump looking after you for the last 3 weeks. This can not be true as he has been Private Dancers doctor since admission and it is clearly shown in the episode "My Therapeutic Month" that private dancer has been in the hospital for at least 4 weeks prior to this episode.
  • When J.D. spits the watermelon seed to Turk, it breaks Ted's Milk, but the can was already leaking before it hits.