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Thanks for everything, Ted. Sincerely.Dr. Kelso

"My Dumb Luck" is the ninth episode of Scrubs' seventh season. Dr. Kelso reminisces on his past 40 years at Sacred Heart Hospital. Carla and Elliot work to get the board of directors to change their decision about Kelso. Dr. Kelso leaves the hospital for the last time as Chief of Medicine.


Kelso talks to Boon

Carla and Elliot work to get the board of directors to change their decision to force Dr. Kelso to retire. When they ask Jordan for advice, she says that the board does not like confrontation, and that a large group showing up at a meeting would make it change its mind. Carla and Elliot try to rally the staff of Sacred Heart to help save Kelso's job, but they find it impossible. Eventually, the Janitor reveals that the reason no one will help is that they know Dr. Cox despises Kelso and wants him gone, and nobody wants to cross Cox because they are afraid of him. With this knowledge, Carla and Elliot set about persuading Dr. Cox to come to the board meeting, in the hope that if they can get Cox's help, they can get everybody's, but to no avail.

As Dr. Kelso sits on a bench outside the hospital alone, he spots Boon on his way in and tells him to sit down so Kelso can reminisce on his past 40 years at Sacred Heart Hospital.

Meanwhile, an old patient of Dr. Cox's — Alex Macrae — is back in the hospital for a condition that Cox has been unable to diagnose for two years. J.D. and Turk are aware of this, so they decide to rile up Dr. Cox with a game they call Poke the Bear, in which they converse about a patient they cannot diagnose with Dr. Cox within earshot. Cox catches on and stares them both down before walking off disgusted.

Ted appears afterward, looking jaded as Turk and J.D. embrace. They tell Ted he should be happy that Kelso is being forced out. Ted, still looking dull, says that he didn't know Dr. Kelso was retiring and excuses himself. He is then seen streaking through the hospital and running into the parking lot, where he is struck down by the Janitor in his van.

When Dr. Cox emerges from Mr. Macrae's room with a urine sample, he tells Turk and J.D. that his file on Mr. Macrae is so big that he has to bind it together with a bike bungee. He then uses the bike bungee to exact revenge on J.D for his conversation earlier. He treats J.D. and Turk as orderlies and asks them to take the urine sample to the lab for analysis. After they accidentally leave it outside in the sunlight, it turns purple. They Google "purple pee" and diagnose Mr. Macrae with acute intermittent porphyria. When Cox tells him that the disease has no cure but is manageable, Mr. Macrae is relieved. It then dawns on Dr. Cox that an enemy (Kelso) whom he knows is better than one he doesn't know.

The staff unites for Kelso

At the board meeting, Dr. Cox shows up with some other influential doctors, including Dr. Beardface and Colonel Doctor. The board then announces to Dr. Kelso that he can keep his job. Kelso thanks Elliott and Carla for standing up for him, and announces that all wanted was to retire on his own terms... which he does immediately, telling the board to "shove it up your ass". He steals the portrait of himself, thanks Ted for all his hard work, and gives the hospital one last look from his convertible before driving off into the sunset, with his portrait in the backseat. Elliot wonders if he cared for the hospital at all. Boon then says he did.

Recurring Themes

     More: FantasiesFlashbacksJ.D.'s girl namesJanitor's pranks and lies


The Love Train

Dr. Cox leads another Love Train.

7x9 Doctor Love Train 2.jpg
  • While herding elderly patients to new rooms, J.D. imagines them riding a Love Train composed of a tiny train engine and wheelchairs while disco lights and confetti make it all the more fun.
  • Later, when Dr. Cox is bringing some doctors to the board meeting, J.D. imagines them riding the Love Train.

Janitor story

The Janitor hits Ted with his van accidentally while Ted is streaking. This causes Ted to bite off a small chunk of his tongue. Elliot stitches him up, but for the rest of the episode, Ted can't talk; he can only point or moan incoherently. When Carla and Elliot are looking for influential people to persuade the board, they don't ask Janitor because they don't think he is important enough to the hospital. He claims to control people with his mind, which only validates Elliot's point. Then they decide to include not just medical personnel, but also support staff for the hospital. They ask Ted to tell them who is the leader of the hospital's support staff, and he points at Janitor. At first Janitor refuses to help now that he has been proven right, but he quickly relents and agrees to help because he can't resist Elliot's face.

J.D.'s Girl Names

  • Hermione
Hermione, have you seen Mr. Macrae's urine test?Dr. Cox

I'm on it, Slick.J.D.

Episode Running Gags

  • J.D. and Turk must herd elderly patients to new rooms. However all of the old people don't stay in their rooms, and are seen wandering the hospital throughout the episode.
  • Dr. Cox makes J.D. hold a bungee cord so that he can stretch it out and slingshot it at J.D.'s face. He later has discreetly attached the bungee cord to Turk's scrubs in order to hit Turk, but ends up missing and hitting J.D. a second time.

Peter Holden as Alex Macrae.

Guest Stars


     List of music featured in Scrubs

  • "Love Train" by The O'Jays
  • "Little Victories" by Matt Nathanson


Ted streaks

J.D. and Turk discover the pee to be purple.

Kelso steals his portrait

Ted has his tongue reattached

Are you familliar with the term 'Delusions of Grandeur'?Carla

I believe I coined that term.Janitor

That was a fun fantasy. I wish it didn't have to end.J.D.

Turk and I couldn't resist playing a game we like to call 'Poke the Bear'.J.D.'s narration

So Turk, yesterday I had this patient I just could not diagnose.J.D.
Wow, you must have felt like a real jackass.Turk
I did feel like a jackass, but then I was able to figure out what was wrong with him, because I'm not a jackass, I'm a good doctor.
OK, now stay calm, so he doesn't know what you're up to. Oh no! Turk's breaking. Quick! Distract the bear with a casual greeting.

Oh hey Dr. Cox, how are things?
[A disgruntled Cox leaves.]
Oh my God that was amazing, I've never felt so alive in my whole life.
My heart stopped for a second.
We made it. I love you, man.
I love you, too.
[They hug.]
You smell like an athlete.
I need one of those.Ted

A hug?J.D
No, a black friend. I think it would make me much cooler.


I keep thinking about Kelso. He reminds me of my grandpa: he's pervy, demeaning, and an eensy bit racist, but you crave his love anyway 'cos he smells like peppermint.Elliot


[Woman falls]

When I was an intern, they made us work 60 hour shifts. Quite a few colleagues got drummed up 'cos they couldn't cope, the rest of us were so sleep deprived we could barely manage to stay sane. I'll never forget the day we caught Seth Finkel gently cradling a cadaver head which he swore belonged to his ex-girlfriend, Milly [Laughs]. A year later Seth actually did kill Milly. Ironically, Milly donated her body to science, and that Spring we caught another intern cradling her dead head [Laughs again]. Life's lil' cycles.Dr. Kelso

So, have you killed anyone yet?Dr. Kelso

What? No!Boon
Well, you will.


Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back through the Desert of Shame to the Oasis of Hope, begging for just one sip of cool, Janitor forgiveness. Well, the answer's no.Janitor

Please, Janitor.Elliot
All right I'm in. Doggarnit, I cannot resist that adorable mug of yours. I would have to throw a cup of acid on it, to keep it from having power over me.

Google that bitch!

Google that bitch!Turk

Son, my blood sugar's low and unless you have a candy bar in that gay little knapsack of yours, shush it!Dr. Kelso

Can i get a 'Hell no!' from any random doctor?Dr. Cox

Hell No!Josephine

I realize that your heart is made up of mostly muffin bits, the souls of little babies and the denture grip you swallow everytime to suck your teeth to get out the muffin bits and baby souls stuck in there...Dr. Cox

Wait! There's more people coming.J.D.

Right now! Love Train!

Girls, Thank you for saving my job. The one thing I wanted was to end things on my own terms and since you're letting me... you can shove it up your ass, Rodney. I'm outta here.Dr. Kelso


  • At the end of the episode Dr. Kelso steals the portrait of himself from Season Two which Dr. Cox modified to declare him dead.
  • Just before revealing to Dr. Cox that they've diagnosed his patient, J.D. beatboxes while Turk plays the air guitar, both to the tune of "Superman" by Lazlo Bane, the show's opening credit's song.
  • J.D. and Turk 'poke the bear' [Cox] much like Dr. Cox did previously with Dr. Kelso. ("My Balancing Act")
  • In season four's "My Ocardial Infarction" Elliot diagnoses a patient with acute intermittent porphyria before J.D. can, the same disorder that is effecting Dr. Cox's patient in this episode. 
  • Although J.D. has pronounced it correctly in a previous episode, both J.D. and Dr. Cox pronounce "acute intermittent porphyria" incorrectly, they pronounce the last part"por-fur-EE-a", while it is pronounced "Por-FEAR-ia." ("My Ocardial Infarction")
  • The names of Dr. Kelso's dogs he had as a boy, Jojo and Sparky, are names on the plaques behind the bench where Dr. Kelso and Boon talk.
  • Mr. Mandelbaum is likely a reference to Seinfeld's Izzy Mandelbaum.
  • When Dr. Kelso is talking about his first kill, you can see the rest of the cast in one of the upper windows of the hospital.