My Coffee

"My Coffee"
Season	Six
Episode	Three
Writer	Tad Quill
Director	Rick Blue
Air date	December 14, 2006

“Hey, Kim, just checkin' to see if your socks are back on since I knocked 'em off last night, hellooo!”— J.D.

My Coffee is the third episode of Scrubs' sixth season. J.D. goes against policy and gives medical advice to strangers outside of the hospital. Elliot runs into problems when her patient turns out to be a private practice doctor. Turk worries when Carla thinks about not returning to work so she can look after baby Isabella and Dr. Kelso opens a coffee shop, called Coffee Bucks, which pleases everyone.

Synopsis

Elliot agrees to become a Private Practice doctor.

Elliot is bothered by a pesky patient, who also happens to be a private practice doctor, Dr. Turner. Dr. Cox warns her that he'll try to treat himself. Sure enough, he starts to second-guess her comments. Dr. Turner's private physician even schedules a surgical procedure without Elliot's knowledge. She tries to get Turner to change his mind, but he won't budge. She's sure that he will die during the procedure. To be cruel, Dr. Cox plays a joke on her, covering Dr. Turner's body with a sheet, as if he were dead, but thankfully, he isn't. Admiring her chutzpah, Dr. Turner offers Elliot a position in his practice. She would still be able to work at Sacred Heart and make double the money. She mulls it over.

Turk and Snoop Dogg Resident fret over the dying Cotton Candy Man who J.D. thinks he misdiagnosed his rash.

Even though it's against policy, J.D. and Turk give medical advice to strangers without going through the proper procedures. To make matters worse, they accepted small cash payments ($20) for "treating" the patients. Sure enough, one guy, the Cotton Candy Man, came to them about a rash. It turns out that he had something much worse, but before they can accurately asses his condition, they find out that he's been shot.

Kelso gives Janitor their dental plans but not before he makes him clean up a mess

J.D. and Kim finally have sex. J.D. is particularly relieved that they are compatible in the bed room, since the relationship seems to be going well. Now that baby Isabella is here, Carla fantasizes about not returning to work, which sends Turk into a panic. With his impending pregnancy, J.D. is a little freaked out as well. J.D. gets a little more frantic when Kim informs him that she's been offered a job in Tacoma, Washington. Dr. Kelso opens a coffee shop in the hospital, which turns out to be very popular. Janitor even makes himself the head barista.

Recurring Themes

Kim accidentally offends one of the surgical heads

Flashbacks

• Kim inadvertently offends one of the surgical department heads when she plays the piano with her head.
• J.D. returns the $20 dollars he received from the cotton candy man for diagnosing his rash to the morgue after he has died. Doug finds it and takes it for himself. He also notices the aloha shirt that the corpse is wearing and takes it for himself.

Janitor story

Smoke-accino

“The two most addictive substances on earth are caffeine and nicotine... Behold... Smoke-accino!”— Janitor

Janitor demands a dental plan from Dr. Kelso for the support staff; Kelso refuses. Discovering the new coffee bar workers have a dental plan, Janitor and the support staff take over the hospital's Coffee Bucks, neglecting their former duties and refusing to serve Kelso. Eventually, Kelso gives in and agrees to a dental plan.

Episode Running Gags

Todd wants Carla to feed him

• Todd enjoys watching Carla breastfeed the baby.
• Dr. Cox carries a tip jar.
• Much of the staff of Sacred Heart are seen with coffee cups in honor of the opening of Coffee Bucks.

Guest Stars

Shaughn Buchholz as Jason Cabbagio doing an ape impression

• Elizabeth Banks as Dr. Kim Briggs
• Shaughn Buchholz as Jason Cabbagio
• David Clennon as Dr. Turner
• Tom Knickerbocker as Dr. Lemke
• Scott Weinger as Dr. Kershnar
• Mark S. Fordham as Darth Vader
• Jerry Kernion as Cotton Candy Man
• Frank Maharajh as Vijay
• Mona Weiss as Nurse (uncredited)

Music

• "All in All" by Lifehouse

Quotes

“If you talk again, I'll eat you”— Jordan

“Nice braces.”— Janitor

“Yeah.”— Jason Cabbagio

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“Turk, I need you and I need you now.”— J.D.

Isabella, this is the man you'll be competing with for your father's love. - Carla

“Isabella, this is the man you'll be competing with for your father's love.”— Carla

“A coffee place in a hospital? What's next, Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue? Admittedly not a horrible idea, seeing as the freezers are already down there, plus it'll be a perfect place for kids! One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the freshly charred remains of your father!”— Dr. Cox

“Hey, Kim! Just checkin' to see if your socks are back on, since I knocked 'em off last night! Helloooooo! What am I doing? You're the mother of my child. That is so tacky.”— J.D.

“And so is this: Way to hit that, player!”— Turk

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“You know the worst thing about Turner's surgery? I'm gonna be right, but... he's gonna die. It'll be a hollow victory.”— Elliot

“If I got to be right and have a private practice doctor die due to his own idiocy, I would call that a pretty full victory.”— Dr. Cox

“I caught it! That counts! I'm gonna go hold the crap outta that baby!”— Elliot

Trivia

• Elliot winces when Kim says sex, a reference to how she gets uncomfortable when sex is mentioned.
• When offering Elliot a job in his practice, Dr. Turner convinces her to finally take it by mentioning she will never have to answer to Dr. Cox again. However this in untrue come Season 8 when he is promoted to Chief of Medicine, once again becoming her boss.
• Despite being shot, the Cotton Candy Man doesn't have any blood on his clothes.