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3x19 Security Janitor

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Choosiest Choice of All".

Act[]


FLASHBACK: THE PREVIOUS EPISODE -- J.D.'S BEDROOM

J.D. and Elliot are rolling around on the bed.

J.D.'s Narration: I can't stop thinking about last night. I mean, it's incredible how fast things can go from amazing...

LIVING ROOM -- LATER J.D. and Elliot share a sweet kiss.

J.D.'s Narration: ...to complete disaster.

They're interrupted by a sharp knock on the door and Sean bursting in.

J.D. &: SEAN? Elliot

Sean: I have been looking all over for you!

Elliot rushes over to him.

Elliot: What are you doing back from New Zealand?

Sean grabs her in his arms and leaves.

FLASH PRESENT: LIVING ROOM -- THE NEXT MORNING

J.D. is still standing there, staring at the door.

Turk and Carla come in from their bedroom.

Turk: Morning.

Carla: What's up with him?

Turk: He slept with Elliot last night.

Carla: Is it _that_ time of year again?

Turk pats J.D. on the shoulder.

Turk: Dude, ignore her. That's three years in a row -- who's feeling you?

J.D.: You be.

Turk snickers.

J.D.: She's already back with Sean.

Carla: How soon after you guys hooked up?

J.D.: About ninety seconds.

Turk: Oooooh.

J.D. finally turns to Turk.

J.D.: What should I do?

Turk wanders back over to Carla and they put their arms around each other, giving J.D. a concerned look.

J.D.'s Narration: That was a huge mistake. Because the closer Turk and Carla got to their wedding, the more they became one of those annoying couples that thought they knew everything about relationships.

Turk &: Look, J.D.... Carla

Turk: You first, honey.

Carla: J.D., love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight and...you'll crush it.

Turk: Too loose and it flies away.

They get lost in each other's eyes.

Carla: Mmm.

They kiss sweetly.... Then more intently. The phone rings.

Cut to... STREET / HOSPITAL PARKING LOT Pan down from the phone lines to J.D. walking into the hospital lot.

J.D.'s Narration: The phone call was Elliot asking me to meet her so we could talk. I was nervous, but I felt better the moment I saw good old Irv at the security gate.

He greets a round, older gentleman in a uniform.

J.D.: Irrrrrv!

Irv: Howdy, Dr. Dorian.

Irv notices something up ahead and runs off. Curious, J.D. follows along. A few seconds later, J.D. approaches the entrance where a slick car has pulled up to the curb. Irv huffs along to catch up to the man stepping out.

Irv: [panting] I'm sorry, sir. But there's no parking allowed at the emergency curb. But I'd be happy to park your car for ya, and run the keys up to you in a jiff.

Guy: Yeah.... Except this is my only set? And I'm afraid you might eat them. Okay? See ya, tubs.

He goes into the hospital. Irv, a bit hurt, turns to J.D.

Irv: I've been trying like the dickens to cut down on my snacking, but it's just so--

J.D.: Ehp-ehp-ehp! You look great, Irv!

Satisfied, Irv heads back to his post and J.D. starts for the wheelchair ramp.

J.D.'s Narration: Irv didn't look great, but I didn't have time to talk.

Also entering the hospital is Danni.

J.D.: Danni!?

J.D.'s Narration: When you run into someone you used to date, either you find them totally annoying or enough time has passed that you've idealized everything about them.

Danni: Hey, J.D.

J.D.'s Thoughts: [mocking] "Hey, Jay-Dee!"

J.D.: I'm actually on my way to see somebody, so, you know....

Danni: Oh, okay. I'll see you later.

She turns.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, be nice.

J.D.: Danni, wait!

She stops.

J.D.: How've you been?

Danni: Well, actually, I--

J.D. spots Elliot further up the ramp.

J.D.: Ooh! Gotta go!

J.D.'s Narration: And there she was -- my lady.

J.D.: Hey, Elliot.

Elliot: J.D., I can't talk right now.

J.D.: Should we just hold each other?

Sean runs up.

Sean: Sorry! Sorry! I couldn't find a parking spot! Heh.

He gives Elliot a kiss.

Sean: Hey, J.D. What's up?

J.D.: [gritting teeth] What's up....

FANTASY: J.D. has a bullhorn. And a Viking hat.

J.D.: Attention, Sacred Heart! Everyone please gather 'round. Doctors, nurses, patients, hear ye, hear ye.

They do.

J.D.: Everyone should know that last night, Elliot Reid and I made passionate love for a good hour and a half. Check that! A _great_ hour and a half.

The crowd oohs and aahs. Elliot giggles and shrugs at Sean.

J.D.: When I hit it, I hit it good! That is all!

BACK TO REALITY

J.D. stares blankly at the two of them. They turn and head in. Carla and Turk walk up the ramp.

Carla: Aww, Bambi freeze up again?

Turk: It's not our problem, honey.

They walk past.

Carla: Tsk-aww.

Act[]

Scene[]

NURSES' STATION Sean and Elliot are kissing like crazy. Ah, young lovers. J.D. watches them miserably, until Sean notices him staring.

J.D.: You've got something on your face.

Sean breaks the kiss and wipes at his face.

Sean: What?

J.D.'s Thoughts: The love of my life.

J.D.: You got it.

Sean: [to Elliot] So, I'll see you after work.

Elliot: 'Kay.

Sean: Bye, J.D.

J.D.: Peace out, Sean.

Sean leaves. Elliot comes closer to J.D.

Elliot: Listen, J.D.... Last night was really important to me.

J.D.: I know. I mean, you don't want to be rusty at sex before you throw down with your real boyfriend, do ya?

Elliot: Look, you and I have been down this road before and we both know where it ends. I'm sorry. I just...I really want to make this work with Sean. So, please don't say anything to him? Okay?

J.D.: I totally understand. You know, Danni and I are getting back together, too.

J.D.'s Thoughts: We are?

Elliot: Danni? Danni, Danni, Danni.... What was her last name?

J.D.'s Thoughts: Damn! I should know this!

Elliot: Blonde hair!

J.D.: Yes! Raspy voice!

Scene[]

RECOVERY WARD Dr. Cox stands by as Dr. Miller checks on the patient, a young man named Jeff.

Dr. Miller: Oh, yeah. That incision's healing up nicely.

Jeff: Thanks again, Dr. Miller. I'm gonna have my band write a song about you.

Dr. Miller: Well, I'm glad I struck a chord! [giggles]

She moves to the door. Dr. Cox laughs mockingly and follows her out.

Continue to... HALL

Dr. Cox: Yeah, listen: While you were proving once and for all that pretty girls do not in fact need to be funny, I went ahead and took a look at your little rock star's chart.

Dr. Miller: Oh, didja?

Dr. Cox: Yes, I did. And his urine output is dropping, so you should probably start him on Lasix.

Dr. Miller: You amuse me. So even though he's post-op and still technically my patient, I'm gonna pretend to consider your opinion before I walk away and do whatever I want! Hmm. No!

She walks down the hall. Cox makes a gesture and a noise of his head exploding from the frustration.

Scene[]

HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT The Janitor is perched on a ladder, adjusting some wires in the door's alarm.

A sudden spark sets off the alarm, throwing the Janitor off the ladder.

Turk and Carla lean over him.

Turk &: Are you all right? Carla

Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm.

He stands with a grunt.

Janitor: I told Security to look into it? But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward. If I was a security guard around here, things'd be different.

Carla: You really want to be a security guard?

Janitor: Who around here commands more respect than the men who wear blue and green?

Turk: The uniforms are black and gray.

Janitor: You got me. I don't see colors well. Happy now?

Carla: Look, if you're really into Security, Irv's position just opened up!

Janitor: What happened to Irv?

FLASHBACK: HOSPITAL ROOM

Irv sneaks up on the rude man from the parking lot, now laying in the bed, with a pillow.

Guy: [stirring] Tubs?

Irv shoves the pillow over the man's face.

Irv: Who's tubby now!?!?!

An orderly jumps on Irv's back.

Orderly: Stop him!

Irv throws the guy off and continues smothering. Turk and Carla race in and jump on Irv's back, trying to pull him away. Carla hurriedly prepares a syringe and jabs it into Irv's neck.

Carla: Oh, oh, okay!

Irv begins to slump, taking Turk and Carla to the floor with him, and the rude guy is finally freed to gasp for air.

Turk: Uh-oh, uh-oh, aggh!

BACK TO PRESENT

Carla: He had to be let go.

The Janitor considers it.

Scene[]

J.D.'S BEDROOM -- DUSK J.D. is lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, Elliot really hurt me. Still, right now I need to keep a level head. My emotions are all over the place, and it's important that I don't do anything rash.

The camera pulls back to reveal Danni lying next to him, smoking a cigarette with a huge ashtray full of butts balanced on her tummy.

J.D.: [coughing] Do you have to do that here?

Danni: What? I like smoking after sex.

J.D.: And during. God, you never used to smoke!

Danni: Yeah, but back then I was pretending to be someone I thought you wanted me to be, and that didn't work. So now....

She puts the ashtray aside with a cough, and sits up over J.D.

Danni: ...I'm gonna let the real me come out. And the real me wants to do it again...and she wants to do it rough!

J.D. sits up.

J.D.: Oh, I don't know, Danni. The real me's not really into that.

Danni: GIVE IT TO ME!

He yells and slaps her across the face, knocking her to the bed. Concerned, he leans over her.

J.D.: Oh, my God, Danni, I am so sorry. I thought that's what you wanted.

Danni: It was.

She reaches up and twists his nipples, pulling him down to her.

J.D.: YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile... DR. COX'S APARTMENT Jordan watches as Dr. Cox holds Jack out to the nanny.

Dr. Cox: Quick question: Will my son ever stop crying?

The nanny takes the baby and goes off to another room. Cox grumbles vaguely.

Jordan: You know what's so sweet? This morning, Jack called her "Da-Da".

Dr. Cox: I'm--I'm--I'm sorry. Look, there's a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she's harping at me, I actually see your face.

Jordan: I love that you think about me at work!

Dr. Cox: Honestly, Jordan, I have never despised anyone more.

He flips open the newspaper.

Jordan: Oh, my God. You have a crush on her.

Dr. Cox: Who said who to what now?

Jordan: It is so _typical_. We have an amazing son, we're totally getting along for a change...but that's too boring for you; it's too nice! So you have to go and blow the whole thing up, don't you? Well, bravo, Perry. [claps] Ohh...fantastic!

She goes off to the other room. Dr. Cox looks up towards the ceiling.

Dr. Cox: Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya. I'm onto you, Big Man! [chuckles with contempt]

Scene[]

HOSPITAL -- ADMISSIONS Dr. Kelso holds out a new badge to the Janitor, who's in a spiffy new uniform.

Dr. Kelso: Okay. This badge is now yours.

Janitor: [proud] I just want to thank you for believing in me. And I want to assure you that I am gonna be guarding these hospital gates the way Cerberus guarded the gates of Hell!

Dr. Kelso: Yeah, that's terrific.

He goes off. The Janitor turns to Turk and Carla, who have just come in.

Janitor: [showing off] Uh?

Turk laughs, impressed.

Carla: Look at you in your new uniform! And they give you a nightstick!

The Janitor brandishes his nightstick.

Janitor: Well, actually, this is my dad's. He used to use this baby every day at work.

He gives it a swing in demonstration.

Turk: Was he a cop?

Janitor: Uh, no, cat trainer.

Turk &: Ohhh. Carla

Turk takes a devilish opportunity when the Janitor turns his back.

Turk: Meow!

The Janitor looks up.

Turk: [pointing and whispering] That way!

Janitor: [whispering] Shh! You stay here! I'll go!

He sneaks off after the cat, nightstick at the ready.

Scene[]

TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT J.D. comes out of his bedroom, half naked and a little worn out, his chest scratched and his nipples red.

J.D.'s Narration: I felt bad about hooking up with Danni. But luckily no one knew.

J.D.: [calling to Danni] You want any water?

He's startled by Turk and Carla, leant over the back of the couch watching him intently.

J.D.: [calling out to cover] Well, do you guys?

Carla: Bambi! We know you were in there with Danni. We heard you say her name!

J.D.: Oh, no, no. I was--I was in there with my buddy Danny, from the gym.

Turk: But we heard you say "Take it all, Danni!"

J.D.: He's a...really...good...buddy.

Meanwhile... HOSPITAL -- HALL Dr. Cox rushes through, and is stopped short by Security Guard Janitor and his nightstick.

Janitor: Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Moving a little quick there, aren't we, bub? Got a story to tell me?

Dr. Cox: Here's a story: It's called The Security Guard Who Was Sodomized With His Own Nightstick.

Janitor: Why don't we just consider this a warning.

Dr. Cox: Yeah.

Dr. Cox continues on. At the other end of a short intersecting hall, a minor explosion is heard. The Janitor saunters over.

Janitor: My cousin is a bank teller, and he gave me one of those exploding ink cartridges they put in stolen money so I could figure out who's been disconnecting the emergency exits!

He finds Dr. Kelso standing there, the loose wire hanging off the emergency alarm. Dr. Kelso's turns, his face covered in blue ink.

Dr. Kelso: Nice work.

Scene[]

RECOVERY WARD Dr. Cox stands by as Dr. Miller finishes with their patient, Jeff.

Dr. Miller: Okay, that's all from me, Jeff. Any other questions you might have you can direct to Dr. Cox, here. I'm sure you'll find him to be quite...something!

Dr. Cox: [waves] Ha-ha!

Jeff: You think it's cool if I broke out tomorrow and play a set with the band? They're going on tour in Europe and...I won't get a chance to play with them for a whole year.

Dr. Miller: I think we can work something out.

She exits, with Dr. Cox following after.

Continue to... HALL

Dr. Miller: Don't worry about it. I will drive him out there myself, he can play with his friends for an hour, and then I'll drive him back.

Dr. Cox: I won't worry about it. Mostly because he's not going. You see, I'm his doctor now.

Dr. Miller: Oh-ho, I didn't listen to you before, so now you're gonna take it out on the patient.

Dr. Cox: Look, I honestly don't think that going to some dive bar is necessarily appropriate for somebody who just had kidney surgery. Although, don't get me wrong, the fact that it seems to be pissing you off so much is the true definition of an added perk. [he starts down the hall] Seriously, you can--you can look it up in the dictionary. It's under "P" for "perk". It's right next to "pain in the ass" and, curiously enough, your picture is right next to it.

Meanwhile... TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT Carla and Turk are lecturing J.D.

Carla: Bambi, when you broke up with Danni, you said it was the happiest day of your life!

J.D.: No, that was only because 'Barney Miller' came out on DVD.

Turk: And WoJo's commentary on it? Priceless!

J.D.: Look, maybe Danni's not the love of my life, all right? But she's--she's beautiful, and she quirky, and she's very...sweet.

Danni comes out of the bedroom.

Danni: Man, I get so gassy after having sex.

Turk &: [waving] Heh. Carla

Danni: Oh, by the way, some skank named Barbara called, and I told her to back off.

She goes into the kitchen.

J.D.: Barbara's my mom.

J.D.'s Narration: In life, there are personal realizations....

Danni tosses her cigarette into the sink.

J.D.: I hate my girlfriend.

Meanwhile... HOSPITAL -- HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT The Janitor and blue-faced Kelso stare each other down.

J.D.'s Narration: ....and professional ones.

Dr. Kelso: Listen, Serpico, I go four steps out that door to my car every day. And that's important, because if I don't beat Enid home from her thighs & buns class, I have to help her peel off her leotard. So remember this: I hired you, and I can fire you.

He goes out the door.

Meanwhile... SUPPLY CLOSET Dr. Cox is rummaging through. Dr. Miller comes in behind him.

J.D.'s Narration: But the worst are the realizations that sneak up on you.

Dr. Miller: [clears throat] Excuse me, I need to get a, uh--

She reaches over his shoulder and he slaps her hand away.

Dr. Cox: Book about supply closet etiquette? Yeah, look, I'm kinda using this area?

Dr. Miller: Oh, oh, you are so annoying; you must drive your wife insane. ...Are you married?

J.D.'s Narration: Like when you realize you just might have a crush after all.

Dr. Cox: No, no I'm not.

Act[]

Scene[]

HOSPITAL -- ADMISSIONS -- FRONT DESK Dr. Cox is bent over the desk, his head in his hands. Jordan enters and sneaks up behind him.

J.D.'s Narration: In a big hospital, you can hide from almost anything. Except your conscience.

Jordan: Hello.

Dr. Cox: [surprised] Oh, hey! Hey, Jordan! You know what's weird?

She signs in and drops the pen, giving him her full attention.

Jordan: Tell me.

Dr. Cox: We're so close, and yet if anybody asks if we're married, all either one of us can say is--is no.

Jordan: Actually, I say we were married for five years then got divorced, now we're back living together, have a child, but we're in a long-term, committed relationship.

Dr. Cox: Yeah, that's what I say, too.... That or...no.

Jordan: Oh, Mr. Mid-life. We both know what this is about. And you should just go ahead and enjoy your crush! Because, honestly, I don't care. I don't!

She goes off down the hall. Turk and Carla walk through.

Carla: [shaking head] Mm, mm, mm.

Turk: That's sad.

Later... NURSES' STATION Nurse Roberts calls to J.D.

Nurse Roberts: Hey, Q-Tip! Some girl who says she's your girlfriend is on the phone!

J.D.: Oh, uh, tell her I'm not here.

Turk and Carla walk by.

Turk &: [shaking heads] Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Carla

Later... HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT As Dr. Kelso approaches, the Janitor disconnects the alarm and opens the door for him.

Janitor: Godspeed, sir.

Turk and Carla walk past.

Turk &: [shaking heads] Mm, mm, mm. Carla

Janitor: What? I'm in a pickle! A pickle!

Later... CAFETERIA Carla and Turk carry their trays to a table and sit down side by side, in unison, taking a simultaneous sip of their soups.

Turk &: Mmmmmm! Carla

Scene[]

BAR Danni and J.D. are there, together, both looking like they wish they weren't.

J.D.: Hey, you wanna play darts?

Danni: Sure!

She jumps up.

J.D.: Great! Have fun, I'll be over here.

Danni: Do you even enjoy spending time with me?

J.D.: "Enjoy" is such a strong word.... I...I'm used to it. You know, like cafeteria food, or the constant threat of terrorism. What, you don't _enjoy_ hanging out with me, do you?

Danni: Not really. I'm more into tough guys, you know?

J.D.: Last night in bed, I knocked you unconscious!

Danni: For like _five seconds_!

J.D.: So I guess...this is over.

Danni: Why?

J.D.: So, you'd rather hang out with someone you don't even like than be alone?

Danni: Yeah, pretty much.

J.D.: Yeah, me too. I mean, come on, how many couples out there actually have fun together?

Sean runs in the door.

Sean: Guys! Elliot and I are in the middle of a marathon game of Hide & Go Seek. If she comes in, you didn't see me!

He ducks under the pool table, just as Elliot rushes in.

Elliot: Ninety-nine! One hundred! Have you guys seen Sean?

J.D.: Yeah, he's--

J.D. looks over behind the pool table, but Sean isn't there.

J.D.: Where'd he go?

He scans the room and sees Sean's face behind the jukebox machine.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Aw, he's a dynamite hider.

Scene[]

CAFETERIA Dr. Cox approaches Turk and Carla's table with his tray, a form alongside his plate.

Turk &: [shaking heads] Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Carla

Cox sits.

Dr. Cox: Oh, don't even start, Tarla, or Curk, or whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgmental freak-show. Why don't I do a little piece for you I like to call Your First Year of Marriage: "I do." Oh, kiss, kiss, kiss. [girly voice] "Why can't we have a baby?" [homeboy voice] "Why you spending so much money on clothes?" [girly voice] "Why you sleeping with my sister?" [home boy voice] "Why can't I hang out with my peeps?" [makes an exploding noise]

Turk and Carla stare at him.

Turk: Baby.

Carla: Hmm?

Turk: I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.

Carla: And I would _never_ have a crush on someone else.

Dr. Cox: I do not have a crush.

Carla starts to pick the form off his tray.

Carla: What is this?

Dr. Cox snatches it away.

Dr. Cox: That is a form allowing Mr. Stockton's band to come visit him so that Dr. Miller will be happy that I did a nice thing for her. [grimacing in realization] Ehhhh!

Carla: Turk, he wants to be with Dr. Miller because he thinks it'll make him what?

Turk: Happy.

Carla: Exactly. But he's really only happy when he's...?

Turk: Miserable.

Carla: Right! So why does he really want to be with Dr. Miller?

Turk: 'Cause she got big-ass boobies!

Carla: No, no, no. Because he likes being miserable.

Dr. Cox: If I actually enjoyed being miserable, then why wouldn't I stay here talking to you two?

He whistles as he stands, and walks away.

Scene[]

BAR J.D. watches Sean and Elliot, cuddled in a booth, kiss.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, let's see how Elliot likes it when I'm all over my lady?

He turns to Danni behind him, who's passing the time by smoking a cigarette.

J.D.: Hey, I've got something for you.

Danni: What?

He bends her back and kisses her.

FANTASY: Danni is a giant cigarette.

Reluctantly, J.D. puts his arms around her and kisses her.

BACK TO REALITY

J.D. breaks the kiss and coughs, blowing out a mouthful of smoke.

Danni: Okay, I'm gonna buy the next round. Which one of you handsome boys wanna help me carry it?

Sean stands and heads over.

Sean: We're both good-looking guys, am I right? We'll sort this out when I get back!

J.D.: Okay, sort away, Seany-Sean-Sean!

Elliot giggles.

J.D.: Oh, my God!

He sits down in the booth.

J.D.: How could you do this to me?

Elliot: Do...what?

J.D.: Ohh, I don't know! Come over my house, sleep with me, and then dump me the minute Sean shows up so I feel like a complete loser!

Elliot: Oh, you seem real crushed! I mean, you jumped into bed with Danni so quick you didn't have time to change the sheets!

J.D.: You know I only have one set.

Elliot: Look, J.D., can I ask you a favor?

J.D.: Could I ask you one?

Elliot: Sure, anything. What is it?

J.D.'s Thoughts: Damn, I don't have one.

Elliot: Didn't have one, did ya?

J.D.: Look, Elliot! What do you want!?

Elliot: How about you remembering that you're supposed to be my friend?

She gets up and leaves him at the table.

Scene[]

HOSPITAL -- RECOVERY WARD Dr. Cox stands at Jeff's bedside as Dr. Miller impatiently enters.

Dr. Miller: Why'd you page me? What do you want?

Dr. Cox: Just, uh...just watch his face.

They watch Jeff as his bandmates -- all 20-something of them, dressed in white robes -- pour into the room.

Jeff: No way.

Bandmate: How you feeling?

Jeff: Hey, Rick!

Bandmate: Hi!

Jeff: Audrey! Ryan! Tim! Jamie! Tobey!

Bandmate: Hey, Jeff!

Jeff: Joe!

They all surround Jeff, greeting him warmly, as Dr. Cox and Dr. Miller look on.

Dr. Cox: I hope this won't be awkward for ya, but I promised the whole band you'd have sex with them.

Scene[]

HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT Turk and Carla come up behind the Janitor, who's waiting for Kelso's arrival.

Janitor: Don't look at me like that! This is your fault, anyway! You two made me dream again.

Turk: Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.

Janitor: I do not owe you an explanation for that!

Carla: You're right, you don't owe us an explanation!

Turk: Lay some truth on him, baby!

Carla: You owe one to yourself.

Turk: Ouch.

Carla: Now I'm gonna let my husband-to-be tell you what life's really all about, because he has more of this than any man I know.

Turk: Archie comics?

Carla: No, the other thing.

Turk: Oh, that's right -- integrity.

Dr. Kelso approaches.

Carla: Oh. Here's your chance!

Meanwhile... HALL / ADMISSIONS J.D. walks through.

J.D.'s Narration: I was so mad at Elliot I couldn't sleep last night. Also, Danni snores like a gutted wild boar. But mostly it was the Elliot thing.

Sean, waiting in the lobby, calls over to J.D.

Sean: Hey, J.D. Can I talk to you for a sec?

J.D. stops and Sean comes over.

Sean: Look, things have been a little weird between Elliot and I since I got back.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Good.

Sean: J.D., listen. Did anything happen between you and Elliot while I was gone?

FANTASY: J.D. has the bullhorn and the hat again, and a crowd gathers around.

He holds the bullhorn up to his mouth...

J.D.: Sorry, everybody. False alarm.

Crowd: Awwww.

BACK TO REALITY.

The opening strains of Polyphonic Spree's "Light & Day" comes up.

J.D. stares at Sean.

Sean: Well?

J.D.'s Narration: There comes a time when every man has to make a choice. Whether it's a professional choice...

Meanwhile... HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT Turk and Carla watch as the Janitor stands between Dr. Kelso and the door.

Dr. Kelso: Come on! What are you gonna do about it?

J.D.'s Narration: Or whether it's a personal choice.

Meanwhile... Dr. Miller and Dr. Cox watch the band perform.

Dr. Miller: [to Cox] Hey. Wanna go for a beer after the show?

J.D.'s Narration: In the end, it's about integrity.

Meanwhile... HALL -- EMERGENCY EXIT Dr. Kelso walks past towards the door. Turk and Carla gesture to the Janitor encouragingly. He races after Kelso and tackles him.

Turk: Oh!

Carla: Yes!

Turk: No!

Carla: No!

Meanwhile... RECOVERY WARD Jeff and the Spree enjoy performing together.

J.D.'s Narration: And it's about chasing after what you really want.

Meanwhile... BAR The song plays on the jukebox as Dr. Cox brings a couple of beers over to the blonde at the table.

Dr. Cox: Here's your beer.

J.D.'s Narration: Even if that means showing you both care a little.

That blonde is Jordan, who has gotten new highlights.

Dr. Cox: Did you...did you do that for me?

Jordan: I thought it'd be fun. See, now there are two blondes you can't have sex with!

Dr. Cox: [laughs] I don't care! It is so naughty! [growls playfully]

Jordan: Hah.

They clink their mugs.

Dr. Cox: Cheers.

Meanwhile... ADMISSIONS J.D. stares at Sean, who's waiting for an answer. Over Sean's shoulder, J.D. sees Elliot signing out. She gives him a pleading look.

J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes...well, sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.

J.D.: No. Sean, nothing happened.

Sean: Yeah, I figured. Good talk!

He walks back into the lobby and meets up with Elliot.

Sean: Hey!

Elliot: Hey.

They put their arms around each other and walk out. Elliot gives J.D. a small, thankful wave.

J.D.'s Narration: Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.

Danni runs up behind J.D. and leaps on his back. J.D. looks positively annoyed.

Danni: Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!

J.D.'s Narration: When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make.

He carries Danni down the hall, past the Janitor back in his maintenance uniform, who proudly beats his chest and raises his fist in the air as the song concludes.

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