“Patricia, it's been a real pleasure having you here at Sacred Heart. And I certainly hope, the next time you fall ill, you remember us. Umm.. I´m.. not implying that you´ll get ill. But..it´s just that... you're old and chances are good... Stop talking Robert!”— Dr. Kelso
"My Cabbage" is the twelfth episode of Scrubs' fifth season. Mrs. Wilk is ready to be discharged from Sacred Heart, and everyone at the hospital is happy for her. Turk and Elliot argue over a cell phone issue and question if their friendship is not working so well. J.D. comes to realize that his favorite intern, Cabbage might not be cut out to be a doctor.
Elliot and Turk laugh over failing to forge a will
Patricia Wilk, the hospital's favorite patient, is finally going home. Everyone is happy that she's back to good health, but they're sad to see her leave. Turk and Elliot conflict when she reveals she did not add him to her address book when she got a new cell phone. Their patient, Mr. Burton, is about to go into surgery and he fears he isn't going to make it; thus he gives Turk and Elliot a letter for his twin sons in case he dies. Sadly, Mr. Burton doesn't make it as he dies on the operating table. The two realize they had lost the letter and forge a note. They're caught in the act, but later bond over the experience.
Sanchez steals Carla's money from J.D.
When a bird finds its way into the hospital, Dr. Kelso orders Janitor to get rid of it to eliminate the risk of infection explaining the ease of which infectious agents spread from person to person just from simple things like shaking hands or bumping into one another; Janitor complies, but grows fond of the crow and keeps it as a pet, naming it Sanchez. He uses Sanchez to further pester J.D. stealing money he got from Carla and the only pen Perry had; until Kelso catches sight of it. Janitor pretends to kill Sanchez, secretly releasing him. J.D.'s hate for Keith Dudemeister reaches a fever pitch while it becomes apparent he favors another intern, Jason "Cabbage" Cabbagio. However, J.D. is oblivious to the fact Cabbage is an incompetent intern endangering many of the patients, and attempts to use Cabbage's multiple blunders as an excuse to punish Keith. Ultimately, J.D. realizes he's an enabler and picking favorites. Upon recognizing the danger Cabbage presents J.D must tell him he is not suited to be a doctor.
Mrs. Wilk is infected with a terminal disease
Just as Cabbage leaves, he throws away a used medical gloves that was left on the floor. Right after, he visits Mrs. Wilk to thank her for being so kind and gives her a handshake, thus infecting her with a disease carried from the medical glove, just as Kelso explains.
Cabbage has to be fired by J.D.
Recurring Themes[]
Fantasies[]
Turk and Carla raise a pumpkin to the point of graduation.
Throughout the episode, infection is shown as a green mark wherever it is on the body. This includes Todd, who has the green mark on his mouth, crotch, and even his backside.
After Carla tells Turk he's forgetful, JD imagines Turk mistaking his and Carla's baby for a pumpkin, who they decide to keep and raise, until its graduation twenty one years later, where it's dropped and smashes. Their real son then appears, recognizing his parents, but is then hit by a bus. This fantasy is noted for being almost a minute long.
Flashbacks[]
J.D. remembers all the mistakes Cabbage had made including messing up an IV, misreading a X-ray which he was holding backwards, and mistaking a Mike & Ike for a suppository
Janitor keeps a bird, which he names Sanchez, without letting Dr. Kelso know, and uses it to pick up items from people's hands - to everyone's annoyance. Eventually he fears Dr. Kelso will find out and kill the bird, so he sets him free with the parting words of "Tienes mi corazon! Tienes mi corazon."
J.D.'s Girl's Name[]
Bethany, used by Perry Cox at an attempt to calm J.D. down after Dr. Cox reveals he quite liked his screenplay, Dr. Acula.
Trish, used by Perry Cox trying to find out why J.D. looks downtrodden after telling Mrs. Wilk she would be discharged..
“Why the grim face there, Trish? Watching Kelso's afternoon staring contest with the last brownie?”— Dr. Cox
Running Gags[]
Dr. Cox throws a bed pan at J.D. after Sanchez throws a pen at Cox making it look like J.D. had done it
On two separate occasions, J.D. borrows $100 from Carla and a pen from Dr. Cox, only for it to be taken away by Sanchez (the Janitor's bird) and given to the Janitor. The bird later returns the pen by hitting Cox on the head with it, making it look like J.D. threw it at him.
JD asks for Cabbage twice, and Wolfman replies both time as it is his last name.
“Oh no, Mark. I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Cabbage.”
“But my last name’s Cabbage.”
“I know that, but I’ve nicknamed you “Wolfman” for your keen sense of smell.”
“And your ridiculously hairy torso.”— J.D.'s Narration
“Dr D., is the IV supposed to leak like this?”— Cabbage
“Well, yes and no. Mostly no. Really, really all no.”— J.D.
“Patricia, it´s been a real pleasure having you here at Sacred Heart. And I certainly hope, the next time you fall ill, you remember us. Umm.. I´m.. not implying that you´ll get ill. But..it´s just that... you´re old and chances are good... Stop talking Robert!”— Dr. Kelso
“Not everyone's last name lends itself to a nickname, Keith”— J.D.
“My last name is "Dudemeister"!”
“What can I do with that? I'm not a magician!”
[While reading out a dead father's letter]
My dearest Eric, it is my wish for you that you finally find a woman...
I'm gay
...so that she might find you a man...
Dad didn't know I was gay.
...so that he might find you a woman!
1/5
“My dearest Eric, it is my wish for you that you finally find a woman...”— Elliot
“I'm gay.”— Eric
“...so that she might find you a man...”
“Dad didn't know I was gay.”
“...so that he might find you a woman!”
Trivia[]
Sanchez the bird is a Chihuahuan Raven also called a White-necked Raven.
Janitor's line "Tienes mi corazón" when he lets Sanchez go is Spanish for "You have my heart" which is an expression to remind a loved one that he will be missed, like "I'll always love you". It's not as common in Latin America as other expressions.
Cabbage accidentally having the chest x-ray backwards could be an allusion to the show being criticized for having the x-ray at the beginning of the show backward.
In the scene in the bar with Turk, as she calls him, Elliot is seen wearing a wedding ring even though she is not married.
