Perry Cox has a tendency of ranting. His rants are aimed towards anyone whether J.D. or complete strangers.

There are times when Cox's rants may include compliments.

Rants towards J.D.

My First Day

Benz 92 years old, he's full dementia, doesn't know we are here, he is inches from Carla's rack, he doesn't even know we are here and he hasn't flinched. Eisenhower was a sissy. I think by the grace of God we're gonna be okay oh and from now on whenever I'm in the room you're definitely not allowed to talk.

What the Hell are you doing? Did you actually just page to find out how much Tylenol to give Mrs. Lester? It's regular strength Tylenol! Here's what'cha do: get her to open her mouth, take a handful, and throw it at her. Whatever sticks, that's correct dosage. And under no circumstances are you allowed to compromise our 'no talking' agreement.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself.

Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Advances that keep people alive who should have died a long time ago, back when they lost what made them people. Now, your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone does come in that you actually can help, you're not so brain-dead that you can't function.

Write this down, newbie: If you push around a stiff, nobody'll ask you to do anything.

Fair enough, you want some real advice? If they find out the nurses are doing your procedures for you, your ass'll be kicked outta here so quick, it'll make your head spin.


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