The following is a transcript of the Scrubs: Interns webisode "Legal Custodians Episode".
Scene
Legal Custodians Opening
Ted (singing): I’m a lawyer
Janitor (singing): I’m a Janitor
Both (singing): Together we adopted a cute little kid. We’re Legal Custodians. Get it?
Sacred Heart – Ward
Sunny: Oh, hey, where were you guys?
Janitor: Shooting the first episode of Legal Custodians. Think Friends meets Clean this Hall. It’s on the Custodian Network. Season pass it and thank me later. In the mean time lets check out Legal Custodians.
Legal Custodians set (Turk and Carla’s apartment)
Janitor: I’m home everybody. How was everyone’s day?
Ted: Someone’s got a crush.
Janitor: Hey, if you’re talking about Arlene, we’re just friends. That’d be professional suicide to date another janitor.
Ted: No, I’m talking about Toby.
Janitor: Tell me about it, killer.
Todd (as Toby): Well, her name is Franny. She’s a blonde. She’s a cheerleader. She’s totally out of my league, but…
Janitor: Well, you know what? You should get her something nice, like a like a pink mop.
Ted: A pink mop? That’s… You can’t you can’t… He can’t buy love from her. He should use… he should use legal leverage. And then, he’d sue her and ssssssshe would like him.
Janitor: Why does everything with you come down to a lawsuit? You’re such a lawyer!
Ted: Yeah, but everything with you is like, “I’m a janitor.” So, a pink mop doesn’t even exist.
Janitor: Oh yea? Then how did Arlene get hers?
Todd (as Toby) He guys, back to me.
Janitor: Hey, you’re right Toby.
Ted: Yeah, this isn’t about us. This is about you. You’re gonna have that girl, ‘cause you talk so smooth, by recess.
Janitor: We love you Toby. Toby, we love ya.
Todd: I love you guys too.
Janitor’s office
Janitor: Well that was really good.
Sunny: Yeah, that apartment looks totally dope.
Janitor: Wasn’t it?
Sunny: How did you get that on such short notice?
Janitor: Uhh it’s Turk and Carla’s place and we didn’t ask.
Sunny: Uh-oh.
Scrubs: Interns theme song
