Wx7 Janitor

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs: Interns webisode "Legal Custodian Outtakes".


Title Sequence

Sacred Heart: Break room

Sunny: Hey check out these outtakes from Ted and the Janitor's show Legal Custodians. (singing) Legal Custodians!

The apartment

Ted: (Janitor enters apartment) Someone's got a crush.

Janitor: What are you doing? What are you thinking about? Quit clawing at your costume.

Ted: I'm trying. This thing is hot.

Janitor: I know! If you say it's hot again...

Ted: It's hot...

Janitor: Now don't say anything until I look at you and point. No one will notice that. I'll be off camera. I'm going to point at you and that's when you'll talk. (leaves apartment, then re-enters) Well I'm home everybody. How was everyone's day? (points at Ted) Say it.

Ted: Any you're a Janitor. Right?

Later, still in the apartment

Ted: This thing is hot. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot.

Janitor: I'm going to punch you.

Ted: It's just so hot!

Janitor: I'm going to burst!

Later, still in the apartment

Janitor: This is, this whole thing has gone to your head and you never read the lines, and you don't prepare in the least and that's bothersome. If you say it's hot...

Ted: It is.

Janitor: Then take it off. Do it shirtless. It's a whole different show.

Later, still in the apartment

Janitor: Yesterday we jumped the shark, you said.

Ted: Yea, yup.

Janitor: Yea, I wonder, what does that mean?

Ted: It means you're...

Janitor: 'Cause you said it aloud yesterday, you stopped some of the scenes.

Ted: I was worried we were going to jump the shark...

Janitor: Yea I know you were. It came up a lot. Usually when it was your time to talk and you couldn't think of your line, it was "Hey, we jumped..." and I was just wondering if you know what it means. Just tell me what the term means. It's a...

Ted: You know...

Janitor: I do know. It's a television term.

Ted: Exactly.

Janitor: Jumping the shark.

Ted: It's a television term.

Janitor: Meaning...

Ted: That...

Janitor (to Todd): Do you know?

Todd: I don't...

Janitor: You don't either?

Todd: No.

Janitor: Ted's going to tell us.

Todd: I thought I knew it, but...

Ted: It's a television term!

Janitor: That's not enough! You don't know what it means, so stop using it. You shouldn't use any terms that you don't know what they mean. It makes you look foolish.

Later, still at the apartment

Ted: (to pillow-kid) It's about you. And you...

Janitor: Would you stop that? Don't! Here. Enjoy. Do the rest of the scene like that. Look at this...

Ted: So you're going to have her...

Janitor: (punches pillow-kid) We love you!

Todd: We love you guys too.

Janitor: Thanks, pal.

Ted: It's a mustache.

Janitor: Funny.

Later, still at the apartment

Ted: Boy! Everything with you is a Janitor!

Janitor: You're doing a crazy voice.

Ted: Learnin' lines is hard.

Janitor: You haven't done it yet?

Ted: I had more... I forgot...

Janitor: You're doing it like you're transcribing from another language or something. Don't you have to learn like a, like a, like a final argument or something, Or a, you know, an opening statement in court?

Ted: Not yet.

Later, still at the apartment

Ted: Maybe my character likes to dance on the show.

Janitor: A little scrub, a little elbow grease, a little elbow grease, and that's a clean counter top. There you go, yea this'll be the show. That's great Ted, that's excellent. Hurt, didn't it? For crying out loud...

Theme Song


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